{"id":10448,"date":"2016-03-16T14:02:21","date_gmt":"2016-03-16T10:02:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=10448"},"modified":"2016-03-16T14:02:21","modified_gmt":"2016-03-16T10:02:21","slug":"isa-ismayilzad%c9%99-m%c9%99nim-oyuncagim-olmayib-hec-vaxt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=10448","title":{"rendered":"\u0130sa \u0130smay\u0131lzad\u0259 — M\u0259nim oyunca\u011f\u0131m olmay\u0131b he\u00e7 vaxt"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"isa_ismayilzade\"<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0OYUNCAQSIZ U\u015eAQLI\u011eIM<\/strong>

M\u0259nim oyunca\u011f\u0131m olmay\u0131b he\u00e7 vaxt.<\/span>
H\u0259rd\u0259n k\u00f6vr\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259,<\/span>
u\u015faqla\u015fanda,<\/span>
ya\u015f\u0131mdan, t\u0259mkind\u0259n\u2026<\/span>
n\u0259 bilim, n\u0259d\u0259n<\/span>
be\u015fc\u0259 add\u0131ml\u0131\u011fa uzaqla\u015fanda,<\/span>
\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 oyuncaq alma\u011f\u0131m g\u0259lir.<\/span>
Yap\u0131\u015f\u0131b \u0259lind\u0259n k\u00f6rp\u0259liyimin<\/span>
\u00abU\u015faq al\u0259mi\u00bbn\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259k ist\u0259r\u0259m \u2013<\/span>
G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
balaca \u0130saya ma\u011fazalardan<\/span>
bir qucaq sevinc alam.<\/span>
Cibl\u0259rin\u0259, papa\u011f\u0131na, qoynuna<\/span>
qon\u015fudan o\u011furlanan<\/span>
alma \u0259v\u0259zin\u0259, armud yerin\u0259<\/span>
sevinc dolduram.<\/span>
Bir papaq sevinc,<\/span>
iki cib f\u0259r\u0259h<\/span>
b\u0259s eyl\u0259r ona.<\/span>
Sonra u\u015faq x\u0259yal\u0131m,<\/span>
u\u00e7ub ged\u0259 k\u0259ndimiz\u0259.<\/span>
Plasmas sevincind\u0259n<\/span>
plastilin f\u0259r\u0259hind\u0259n,\u00a0<\/span>
bir d\u0259 rezin \u015fadl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan<\/span>
paylaya u\u015faqlara.<\/span>
\u00abZ\u0130M balas\u0131\u00bb ili\u015fib, tozlu yolda qalanda,<\/span>
\u00abt\u0259yyar\u0259\u00bbnin qanad\u0131n\u0131<\/span>
d\u0259c\u0259l \u0259ll\u0259r, s\u0259rt budaqlar q\u0131randa \u2013<\/span>
g\u0259r\u0259k m\u0259nd\u0259n incim\u0259sin<\/span>
g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015f u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m.<\/span>

M\u0259nim oyunca\u011f\u0131m olmay\u0131b he\u00e7 vaxt,<\/span>
Oyuncaq yollara asfalt \u00e7\u0259kilib.<\/span>
Oyuncaq arxlar da \u00e7oxdan quruyub,<\/span>
Oyuncaq a\u011faclar \u00e7oxdan qar\u0131y\u0131b,<\/span>
yand\u0131r\u0131l\u0131b sobalarda<\/span>
Sevinc oyunca\u011f\u0131m olmay\u0131b he\u00e7 vaxt.<\/span>
\u0130ndis\u0259 h\u0259rd\u0259n<\/span>
m\u0259n\u0259 qonaq g\u0259lir oyuncaq sevinc \u2013<\/span>
bir \u00fcr\u0259k,<\/span>
bir otaq,<\/span>
bir qucaq sevinc\u2026<\/span>

1967<\/span>


ET\u0130RAF MAHNISI<\/strong>

M\u0259nim boyum \u2013 y\u00fcz altm\u0131\u015f d\u00f6rd,<\/span>
m\u0259nim sin\u0259m \u2013 \u0259lli be\u015f.<\/span>
\u00dcr\u0259yim d\u0259 lap balaca.<\/span>

M\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck sevinc\u0259 al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015fam,<\/span>
M\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck sevincd\u0259 al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015fam,<\/span>
Sevinc k\u00fcl\u0259yind\u0259n, f\u0259r\u0259h mehind\u0259n<\/span>
K\u00f6ks\u00fcm k\u00f6r\u00fck kimi geni\u015fl\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 \u2013<\/span>
divar sin\u0259min \u00e7atlamas\u0131ndan,<\/span>
qumbara \u00fcr\u0259yimin partlamas\u0131ndan,<\/span>
bir az qorxuram.<\/span>

\u00dcr\u0259yimin d\u0259<\/span>
sevinc tutumu<\/span>
arzumdak\u0131ndan<\/span>
min d\u0259f\u0259 ki\u00e7ik.<\/span>
Daha do\u011frusu \u2013<\/span>
s\u0259n d\u0259f\u0259 ki\u00e7ik.<\/span>
N\u0259yim\u0259 g\u0259r\u0259k \u00absevincmetr\u00bbl\u0259r?<\/span>
\u00fcr\u0259yim varsa,<\/span>
\u00abSevincmetr\u00bbsiz d\u0259 yola ged\u0259r\u0259m.<\/span>

M\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck sevinc\u0259 al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015fam,<\/span>
M\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck sevincd\u0259 al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015fam.<\/span>

1967<\/span>


G\u00dcNL\u018fR\u0130N B\u0130R G\u00dcN\u00dcND\u018f<\/strong>

G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
\u0259sim-\u0259sim \u0259sdi yel.<\/span>
Bir qatar\u0131n dal\u0131nca<\/span>
g\u00f6zl\u0259rim d\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259sdi,<\/span>
\u0259ll\u0259rim d\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259sdi.<\/span>

G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
\u00e7arpay\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
yoxa \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131 bir \u015f\u0259kil.<\/span>
Divarlar \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259k ist\u0259di,<\/span>
a\u011faran \u015f\u0259kil yeri<\/span>
gec\u0259l\u0259r \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 g\u00fclm\u0259k ist\u0259di\u2026<\/span>

G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
soru\u015fdular ad\u0131m\u0131:<\/span>
ill\u0259r ke\u00e7di \u00fcst\u00fcmd\u0259n,<\/span>
yell\u0259r ke\u00e7di \u00fcst\u00fcmd\u0259n<\/span>
m\u0259n bir cavab verinc\u0259.<\/span>

G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
vuruldum ulduzlara \u2013<\/span>
ulduzlar diksinm\u0259di.<\/span>
Yorulub, yola d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm,<\/span>
\u018flimi qald\u0131randa<\/span>
qatarlar \u0259yl\u0259nm\u0259di,<\/span>
t\u0259yyar\u0259l\u0259r enm\u0259di.<\/span>
\u00d6mr\u00fcmd\u0259 birc\u0259 k\u0259r\u0259<\/span>
\u0259l el\u0259dim vaqonlara,<\/span>
\u0259l el\u0259dim g\u00fcnl\u0259r\u0259,<\/span>
durnalara, \u0259ll\u0259r\u0259\u2026<\/span>

G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
\u0259sim-\u0259sim \u0259sdi vaxt.<\/span>
\u018fll\u0259rim d\u0259 t\u0259l\u0259sdi<\/span>
yollar\u0131m da t\u0259l\u0259sdi.<\/span>
G\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir g\u00fcn\u00fcnd\u0259<\/span>
gedib \u00e7at\u0131b ax\u0131r ki,<\/span>
m\u0259nd\u0259n qa\u00e7an arzuya,<\/span>
m\u0259nd\u0259n qa\u00e7an ill\u0259r\u0259,<\/span>
m\u0259nd\u0259n qa\u00e7an g\u00fcnl\u0259r\u0259.<\/span>

1968<\/span>


XAT\u0130R\u018f<\/strong>

\u0130\u015f\u0131qlar t\u0259z\u0259c\u0259 yanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 k\u0259ndd\u0259.<\/span>
Dedin ki, yan\u0131nda yer saxlayarsan,<\/span>
qa\u00e7\u0131b g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259y\u0259m kinoya m\u0259n d\u0259.<\/span>
\u00c7\u0131\u011f\u0131rlar, s\u0259kil\u0259r \u0259l-\u0259l\u0259 tutub,<\/span>
s\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcb gedirdi kluba sar\u0131.<\/span>
Aram\u0131zda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb qald\u0131 o ax\u015fam<\/span>
h\u0259r g\u00fcn a\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir k\u0259nd hasar\u0131.<\/span>

Bir vaxt on be\u015f ya\u015fl\u0131 g\u00fcr h\u0259v\u0259simiz<\/span>
yamanca d\u0131rma\u015fd\u0131, d\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 indi.<\/span>
Sol yan\u0131m bo\u015f qal\u0131b el\u0259 o g\u00fcnd\u0259n,<\/span>
Hey dolub-bo\u015fal\u0131b el\u0259 o g\u00fcnd\u0259n.<\/span>

Bir s\u0259s tan\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131m s\u0259sin\u0259 ox\u015far,<\/span>
Bir s\u00f6z tan\u0131y\u0131rd\u0131m \u2013<\/span>
umu-k\u00fcs\u00fcn\u0259 ox\u015far,<\/span>
hans\u0131 d\u00f6ng\u0259d\u0259s\u0259 yoxa \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131lar.<\/span>

\u0130ndi otuz ya\u015fl\u0131 gur n\u0259f\u0259sim var,<\/span>
indi on be\u015f ya\u015fl\u0131 s\u0259rt h\u0259v\u0259sim var.<\/span>
Sol t\u0259r\u0259fd\u0259 \u00fcr\u0259k, sa\u011fda \u2013 x\u0259yal\u0131n,<\/span>
arada \u2013 bo\u015fluq.<\/span>
M\u0259n is\u0259 yen\u0259 d\u0259 siz\u0259 qo\u015fulub,<\/span>
\u00e7\u0131x\u0131ram yollara aya\u011f\u0131 yal\u0131n\u2026<\/span>

* * *<\/span>

M\u0259n yata\u011fa gir\u0259n kimi<\/span>
yaz\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f \u015ferl\u0259rim<\/span>
\u00e7aqq\u0131ldad\u0131r,<\/span>
taqq\u0131ldad\u0131r makinan\u0131.<\/span>

\u2026Bir qatar\u0131n c\u0259dv\u0259lind\u0259n,<\/span>
bir d\u0259r\u0259nin b\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcnd\u0259n<\/span>
x\u0259b\u0259ri yox he\u00e7 k\u0259sin.<\/span>
Bir ilham\u0131n toxlu\u011fundan,<\/span>
bir partan\u0131n yoxlu\u011fundan<\/span>
x\u0259b\u0259ri yox he\u00e7 k\u0259sin.<\/span>

\u00d6z relsin\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259z yen\u0259,<\/span>
bir d\u0259r\u0259d\u0259 \u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u0259z yen\u0259,<\/span>
bir masan\u0131 a\u015fmaz yen\u0259<\/span>
yaz\u0131lmayan \u015ferl\u0259rim.<\/span>

Bilir\u0259m ki, bu gec\u0259 d\u0259<\/span>
yatmayacaq, yatmayacaq<\/span>
yaz\u0131lmayan \u015ferl\u0259rim.<\/span>
\u00c7aqq\u0131ldatsa, taq\u0131ldatsa \u00abErika\u00bbn\u0131-<\/span>
varaqlar a\u011f qalacaq,<\/span>
a\u011f \u015ferl\u0259r yaz\u0131lacaq.<\/span>

Bir masa var, \u00e7\u0259kilib \u00f6z q\u0131n\u0131na,<\/span>
bir \u00e7\u0259m\u0259n var, bulan\u0131b yaz qan\u0131na\u2026<\/span>
Ya\u011f\u0131\u015f ya\u011f\u0131r\u2026<\/span>
Y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015f ged\u0259k, yaz\u0131lmayan \u015ferl\u0259rin yan\u0131na\u2026<\/span>

1968<\/span>


K\u00d6HN\u018f YUXULAR<\/strong>

Bu ax\u015fam yax\u015f\u0131ca q\u0259ribs\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m,<\/span>
\u018fll\u0259rin yuxuma g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xmasa,<\/span>
g\u00f6b\u0259l\u0259k d\u0259rm\u0259s\u0259m, moruq y\u0131\u011fmasam,<\/span>
buluddan as\u0131lan be\u015fiyin \u00fcst\u0259<\/span>
laylay e\u015fitm\u0259s\u0259m \u2013<\/span>
yatmayacamam,<\/span>
yatmayaca\u011fam, yatmayaca\u011fam.<\/span>

Bu ax\u015fam yax\u015f\u0131ca q\u0259ribs\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m:<\/span>
bu neon deyil\u0259n a\u011f \u015fam neyl\u0259sin,<\/span>
bu \u015f\u0259h\u0259r neyl\u0259sin, ax\u015fam neyl\u0259sin.<\/span>

\u2026\u0130ndi o \u00e7\u00f6ll\u0259rd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259r metrolar,<\/span>
bir vaqon g\u00f6b\u0259l\u0259k y\u0131\u011f\u0131ram ordan.<\/span>
Sonra da qatarlar d\u00fcz\u0259l\u0259r yola,<\/span>
Bak\u0131ya qay\u0131dar.<\/span>
Bel\u0259c\u0259 h\u0259r gec\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xar aradan.<\/span>
Bir qucaq s\u00fcnb\u00fcl d\u0259 \u0259t\u0259kliy\u0259 yox,<\/span>
vaqonlara dolar, indi h\u0259r gec\u0259.<\/span>

M\u0259n \u2013 aya\u011f\u0131yal\u0131n, m\u0259n \u2013 ba\u015f\u0131a\u00e7\u0131q\u2026<\/span>
\u0130n\u0259k otararam yuxalar\u0131mda.<\/span>
K\u00f6yn\u0259k axtararam, ba\u015fmaq g\u0259z\u0259r\u0259m<\/span>
k\u0259ndimiz\u0259 k\u00f6\u00e7\u0259n univermaqda.<\/span>
O yollar, o ill\u0259r o<\/span>
\u0259ll\u0259r \u00e7oxdan<\/span>
Bak\u0131ya k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcb.<\/span>

\u2026Bu da alatoran!<\/span>
Nimda\u015f paltaralan<\/span>
g\u0259lib ke\u00e7\u0259c\u0259k,<\/span>
k\u00f6hn\u0259 k\u00f6yn\u0259yim ki, yoxdur satma\u011fa:<\/span>
paltar\u0131m t\u0259z\u0259dir, dostlar\u0131m t\u0259z\u0259.<\/span>
T\u0259kc\u0259 yuxular var\u2026 k\u00f6hn\u0259 yuxular.<\/span>
Ona da m\u00fc\u015ft\u0259ri tap\u0131lmaz y\u0259qin.<\/span>
Yar\u0131m\u00e7\u0131q yuxular, q\u0131r\u0131q yuxular,<\/span>
k\u0259p\u0259n\u0259k yuxular, qoruq yuxular,<\/span>
bi\u00e7\u0259n\u0259k yuxular, moruq yuxular<\/span>
y\u0131x\u0131lar, diksin\u0259r, s\u0131x\u0131lar h\u0259r g\u00fcn<\/span>
tramvay s\u0259sind\u0259n, ma\u015f\u0131n s\u0259sind\u0259n.<\/span>

Bir k\u0259nd \u015f\u0259h\u0259rim var, bir \u015f\u0259h\u0259r k\u0259ndim,<\/span>
yerim lap rahatd\u0131r, arxay\u0131n olun\u2026<\/span>

1969<\/span>


A\u011e GEC\u018fD\u018fN G\u018fL\u018fN QONAQ<\/strong>

Burda q\u0131z\u0131l s\u0259h\u0259r,<\/span>
orda a\u011f gec\u0259\u2026<\/span>
S\u00fcd gec\u0259d\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259-ke\u00e7\u0259,<\/span>
s\u00fcd gec\u0259ni i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259<\/span>
d\u0259yi\u015fmis\u0259n nec\u0259 d\u0259.<\/span>

U\u00e7urdu\u011fum m\u0259ktublar<\/span>
a\u011f gec\u0259ni, a\u011f g\u00fcnd\u00fcz\u00fc<\/span>
\u0259l\u0259k-v\u0259l\u0259k el\u0259yib,<\/span>
qay\u0131dacaq kor-pe\u015fman.<\/span>
A\u011f gec\u0259l\u0259r<\/span>
s\u00fcd vaqonlu qatarlara dollar bir g\u00fcn,<\/span>
g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015fqanad t\u0259yyar\u0259l\u0259r<\/span>
a\u011f gec\u0259ni, bir d\u0259 s\u0259ni<\/span>
dimdiyin\u0259 alar bir g\u00fcn\u2026<\/span>

Burda, c\u0259nub meydanlar\u0131<\/span>
qollar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7ar s\u0259n\u0259,<\/span>
boyanarsan mis r\u0259ngin\u0259.<\/span>
Boyanarsan,<\/span>
a\u011f gec\u0259y\u0259 uzanan<\/span>
qanadl\u0131 s\u0259s r\u0259ngin\u0259.<\/span>

1969<\/span><\/p>\n

Yaz\u0131ya 664 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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