{"id":11465,"date":"2018-11-16T11:43:53","date_gmt":"2018-11-16T07:43:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=11465"},"modified":"2018-11-16T11:43:53","modified_gmt":"2018-11-16T07:43:53","slug":"yoxluguna-m%c9%99ktub-aysel-fikr%c9%99t","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=11465","title":{"rendered":"\u201cYoxlu\u011funa m\u0259ktub\u201d \u2013 Aysel F\u0130KR\u018fT"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

\u00a0(atama )<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>\u018fn \u00e7\u0259tini s\u0259n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n evin, pill\u0259l\u0259rini \u00e7\u0131xma\u011fd\u0131r. S\u0259n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n evin qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6ym\u0259k, yoxlu\u011funa qonaq g\u0259lm\u0259k, s\u0259nsizlik qoxan divarlar\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 oturmaq. S\u0259ni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k, sevdiyin \u0259\u015fyalara toxunmaqd\u0131r. S\u0259ni tapmay\u0131b geri d\u00f6nm\u0259k. H\u0259r yerin bir s\u0259nsizliyi var\u2026 Hara qa\u00e7sam s\u0259nsizikl\u0259 \u00fczl\u0259\u015fib, bu be\u015f-alt\u0131 ay\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcmd\u0259n he\u00e7 zaman getm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 inan\u0131rd\u0131m,\u00a0 can\u0131mdak\u0131 ac\u0131n\u0131 susdurmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u00f6zl\u0259r bel\u0259 aciz.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

As\u0131l\u0131 qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m d\u0259rdd\u0259n. Ax\u0131 bu il s\u0259nsizlik ilidir. \u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r donan saatlar, sonra is\u0259 h\u0259yat \u00f6z axar\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc.Yaln\u0131z m\u0259ni \u00f6z\u00fcyl\u0259 apara bilm\u0259di, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn ard\u0131nca gedib, ya\u015famdan ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f geriy\u0259 d\u0259 d\u00f6n\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259n t\u0259k adamam.<\/p>\n

H\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131lan s\u0259h\u0259r, g\u00fcn\u0259\u015f do\u011fmadan bir s\u0259n yen\u0259 do\u011fulur can\u0131mda, g\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda yen\u0259 s\u0259ni itirir\u0259m, bu aylarda.<\/p>\n

Tamam\u0259n t\u0259nb\u0259l v\u0259 sevgisiz birin\u0259 \u00e7evrildim. M\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7\u0259tindir, yaln\u0131z yen\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259ninl\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Yen\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259nd\u0259n dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m, yen\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259ni dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

D\u0259rdind\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131b s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m yer d\u0259 el\u0259 s\u0259nin x\u0259yal\u0131nd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n

S\u0259ninl\u0259 s\u00f6hb\u0259tl\u0259rimizd\u0259n birini xat\u0131rlay\u0131m: hals\u0131z idin, amma h\u0259l\u0259 x\u0259st\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259mi\u015fdin, fikirli oturmu\u015fdun.<\/p>\n

\u201cAta, n\u0259d\u0259n bu q\u0259d\u0259r fikirlis\u0259n? M\u0259n s\u0259nin g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dar\u0131xm\u0131\u015fam\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cB\u00fct\u00fcn b\u0259lalar m\u0259n doqquz ya\u015f\u0131mda olanda, atam tutulandan sonra ba\u015flad\u0131, q\u0131z\u0131m. G\u0259lib evimizi yazd\u0131lar, \u0259\u015fyalar\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259n Nizaminin \u201cX\u0259ms\u0259\u201dsini, bir d\u0259 bir patefon val\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb k\u00f6yn\u0259yimd\u0259 gizl\u0259tdim. Gec\u0259yl\u0259 day\u0131m bizi \u015eamax\u0131dak\u0131 Minaxor m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259sind\u0259ki evimizd\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131. Bird\u0259 o do\u011fma yerl\u0259ri ill\u0259r sonra g\u00f6r\u0259 bildim.U\u015faql\u0131qdan atam\u0131n h\u0259sr\u0259ti il\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcm, ta ki, onu gedib Leninqradda tapana kimi.<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn t\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 ik\u0259n m\u0259ktub ald\u0131m. \u201cH\u0259r g\u00fcn Bak\u0131-Leninqrad qatar\u0131ndan d\u00fc\u015f\u0259n s\u0259rni\u015finl\u0259r bit\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r va\u011fzalda g\u0259zi\u015f\u0259n bir n\u0259f\u0259r var, o\u00a0 s\u0259nin atand\u0131r\u201d. Yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 ki, onu tap. Xalq d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259ninin o\u011flu oldu\u011fum \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn m\u0259ktub \u015fifr\u0259li idi.H\u0259l\u0259 o zamanlar atam b\u0259ra\u0259t almam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. \u00c7\u0259tin g\u00fcnl\u0259r idi.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n d\u0259 onu tapmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yola d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm.Qohum-\u0259qr\u0259ba y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015f\u0131b m\u0259ni yola sald\u0131.T\u0259l\u0259b\u0259 idim. Leninqrad\u0131n soyu\u011fu \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u0259ynimi qal\u0131n geyinib yola d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm, ne\u00e7\u0259 g\u00fcn yol ged\u0259nd\u0259n sonra qatardan d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. \u018ftrafda adamlar seyr\u0259l\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6zl\u0259dim. Adamlar bitdikd\u0259n sonra do\u011frudan da, uzaqda bir h\u00fcnd\u00fcrboylu insan\u0131n qaralt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. O, m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f g\u0259lirdi.<\/p>\n

Bir-birimiz\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f getdikc\u0259 \u00fcr\u0259yim tir-tir \u0259sm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131. Atamla bir-birimiz\u0259 sar\u0131l\u0131b d\u0259qiq\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 qopmad\u0131q\u201d.<\/p>\n

A\u011flay\u0131ram. Amma m\u0259n s\u0259ni min d\u0259f\u0259 \u00e7ox ist\u0259yir\u0259m, bilirs\u0259n? Bax, bu dediyind\u0259n d\u0259 min d\u0259f\u0259 \u00e7ox. Bilir\u0259m, deyib \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f \u00e7evirdin.<\/p>\n

Olmaz bel\u0259, bu q\u0259d\u0259r sevm\u0259k olmaz.<\/p>\n

S\u0259n ya\u015fa, q\u0131z\u0131m.Anan\u0131 qoru, qarda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 qoru.<\/p>\n

Nec\u0259, ax\u0131 onlar m\u0259nd\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fckd\u00fc.Yox, el\u0259 demir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

U\u015faqlar\u0131 boy\u00fct. \u00dcmid d\u0259, sevgi d\u0259 insan\u0131n can\u0131ndad\u0131. Onu itirm\u0259, son g\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r qoru, bizi qoru, m\u0259nd\u0259n sonra kitablar\u0131 qoru\u2026 Bu bizim son s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz oldu .<\/p>\n

Sevgi d\u0259, \u00fcmid d\u0259 insan\u0131n can\u0131ndad\u0131r, \u00e7al\u0131\u015f onu son g\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r qoru.<\/p>\n

Bacara bilir\u0259mmi?<\/p>\n

Sonra \u00e7\u0259tin g\u00fcnl\u0259rimiz ba\u015flad\u0131, bir-birimiz\u0259 d\u0259rdi susduq, h\u0259kiml\u0259r n\u0259 dedis\u0259 etdik. Anam s\u0259ssiz qullu\u011funu etdi, saatlarca s\u0259n uzand\u0131n susdun, biz d\u0259 \u0259traf\u0131nda oturduq susduq. Bir-birimiz\u0259 qorxa-qorxa baxd\u0131q\u2026 Qarda\u015flar\u0131m, bir d\u0259 m\u0259n\u2026 Bir g\u00fcn d\u0259 bel\u0259c\u0259 getdin\u2026 S\u0259ssiz s\u0259mirsiz\u2026<\/p>\n

Son etiraf\u0131n atanla ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu. Anlad\u0131m ki, el\u0259 o d\u0259rdd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131san yola. O sevgid\u0259n Tanr\u0131 yolunun \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 anam\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131b, o d\u0259rdd\u0259n \u015fair olmusan. O t\u0259klikd\u0259n bu q\u0259d\u0259r h\u0259yat\u0131 sev\u0259r, haqq \u015fairi ola bilmis\u0259n. O d\u0259rdd\u0259n insanlar\u0131 bu q\u0259d\u0259r sev\u0259 bilmis\u0259n. V\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r d\u00fcz\u0259nli, t\u0259miz, saf h\u0259yat s\u00fcr\u0259 bilmis\u0259n.<\/p>\n

Bu aylar\u0131 s\u0259ni h\u0259r g\u00fcn xat\u0131rlayaraq \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc x\u0259st\u0259 sald\u0131m, s\u0259n\u0259 \u015feirl\u0259r yazd\u0131m, d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fdim, a\u011flad\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

S\u0259ni \u00e7ox axtard\u0131m, yaln\u0131z daha he\u00e7 yerd\u0259 tapa bilm\u0259dim. Q\u0259rib\u0259 bir vaxt k\u0259siyin\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fmu\u015f\u0259m, n\u0259 varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m m\u0259lumdu, n\u0259 yoxlu\u011fum. H\u0259r ikisind\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259n yoxsan. Olsayd\u0131n m\u00fctl\u0259q duyard\u0131m, \u00e7\u00fcnki aram\u0131zda g\u00f6z\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259z ba\u011flar var idi.<\/p>\n

Bir \u201cDa\u015f balkon\u201d adl\u0131 hekay\u0259n var. Bel\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r: \u201cBu hekay\u0259ni Aysel qura\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131, m\u0259n yazd\u0131m. Bu hekay\u0259ni Aysel dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131 \u00f6z u\u015faq diliyl\u0259, m\u0259n dilmanc oldum.Balaca q\u0131zlar \u00e7ox \u015feytan olur, h\u0259m \u00f6zl\u0259rini atalar\u0131na \u00e7ox ist\u0259dirl\u0259r, h\u0259m d\u0259 \u00f6zl\u0259ri atalar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ox ist\u0259yirl\u0259r. Ayselin \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131 ola, ya olmaya\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Bu \u00e7ox q\u0259mli bir hekay\u0259dir.Babama yaz\u0131l\u0131b bu hekay\u0259.Babam r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 ged\u0259rk\u0259n s\u0259n Moskvada olmusan.Ordan qay\u0131dana q\u0259d\u0259r s\u0259ni g\u00f6zl\u0259yibl\u0259r, d\u0259fn etm\u0259yibl\u0259r.M\u0259nim onda iki ya\u015f\u0131m olub, s\u0259n g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 b\u0259rk-b\u0259rk sar\u0131l\u0131b a\u011flam\u0131\u015fam.Babam\u0131n q\u0259bir evin\u0259 is\u0259 da\u015f balkon ad\u0131 qoymu\u015famm\u0131\u015f. Sonra s\u0259ni he\u00e7 vaxt lift\u0259 minm\u0259y\u0259 qoymam\u0131\u015fam, itm\u0259y\u0259s\u0259n dey\u0259\u2026 Yoxa \u00e7\u0131xma, ata, getm\u0259, dey\u0259 a\u011flam\u0131\u015fam.S\u0259n d\u0259 pill\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u0259r, m\u0259n\u0259 \u0259l ed\u0259rdin.Bax bu yad\u0131mdad\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Hekay\u0259 babas\u0131n\u0131 itir\u0259n balaca q\u0131zc\u0131\u011faz haqq\u0131ndad\u0131r. O q\u0131zc\u0131\u011faz ki,indi s\u0259nsizlikd\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259v\u0259l\u0259rini bel\u0259 ovuda bilmir. \u00c7\u00fcnki m\u0259n s\u0259nin q\u0259d\u0259r g\u00f6z\u0259l insan ola bilmir\u0259m, ata. H\u0259yat\u0131 sev\u0259 bilmir\u0259m, d\u0259rd m\u0259ni bas\u0131r, qarabasan kimi.<\/p>\n

Yad\u0131mdad\u0131r, h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 \u015f\u0131ltaql\u0131q edib, g\u0259zm\u0259y\u0259 s\u0259ninl\u0259 getm\u0259k ist\u0259diyimi dey\u0259rdim.Q\u0259ti deyirdim, he\u00e7 kimi ist\u0259mir\u0259m, t\u0259kc\u0259 s\u0259ni ist\u0259yir\u0259m.S\u0259n d\u0259 m\u0259ni g\u0259zm\u0259y\u0259 aparanda \u00e7\u0259tinlik \u00e7\u0259kirdin.\u00c7\u00fcnki yet\u0259rinc\u0259 ya\u015fl\u0131 idin.Ham\u0131 n\u0259v\u0259n bilirdi m\u0259ni.Sa\u00e7lar\u0131n a\u011fappaq qar kimi, g\u00f6yd\u0259n yer\u0259 \u0259l\u0259n\u0259n nur seli kimi idi, ata.S\u0259n\u0259 yell\u0259nc\u0259kd\u0259n yer \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259 Tanr\u0131ya baxan kimi bax\u0131rd\u0131m.M\u0259n onda b\u00fct\u00fcn ilahi q\u00fcvv\u0259l\u0259rin s\u0259n oldu\u011funa inanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.S\u0259n\u0259 baxma\u011f\u0131 yell\u0259nc\u0259kd\u0259 \u0259yl\u0259nm\u0259kd\u0259n min d\u0259f\u0259 \u00e7ox sev\u0259rdim.<\/p>\n

Bir d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 \u015fikay\u0259t etdim.M\u0259n \u00e7oxlu oyuncaq dolu otaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m, s\u0259n is\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259k-t\u0259k oyuncaqlar al\u0131rsan.<\/p>\n

Gec\u0259ni yatd\u0131m, s\u0259h\u0259r g\u00fcn\u0259\u015fin \u015f\u00fcas\u0131 \u00e7arpay\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 i\u015f\u0131q seli salm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, g\u00f6zl\u0259rimi ova-ova yerimd\u0259n qalxd\u0131m.G\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki, h\u0259r t\u0259r\u0259f oyuncaqd\u0131.Sonralar anam deyirdi ki, bu oyuncaqlar\u0131 bir-bir ota\u011fa d\u00fczm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn gec\u0259ni yatmam\u0131san.\u00a0 M\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259\u00a0 o s\u0259h\u0259rin yuxu oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m. S\u0259n m\u0259nim na\u011f\u0131l q\u0259hr\u0259man\u0131m idin.B\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fckc\u0259 sevgi azalm\u0131r, daha da art\u0131rd\u0131. \u0130ndi \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f dikib: \u201cOlmaz, bel\u0259 sevm\u0259k olmaz qoca atan\u0131\u201d. S\u00f6zl\u0259rin b\u0131\u00e7aq kimi \u00fcr\u0259yim\u0259 saplanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

H\u0259l\u0259 bunlar yad\u0131mda qalanlard\u0131.Bilmir\u0259m he\u00e7 s\u0259n\u0259 demi\u015f\u0259m, ya yox. B\u00f6y\u00fck sevgin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox sa\u011f ol. H\u0259yatda n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259zab, soyuqqanl\u0131l\u0131q g\u00f6rs\u0259m bel\u0259 xo\u015fb\u0259xt idim, \u00e7\u00fcnki s\u0259nin sevgin m\u0259n\u0259 insanl\u0131\u011fa, h\u0259yata ba\u011flay\u0131rd\u0131, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flama\u011f\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259dirdi.Bilirdim, bunu ikimiz d\u0259 bilirdik.<\/p>\n

D\u00fcnyadan k\u00f6\u00e7 etdiyin g\u00fcn bir saat \u0259vv\u0259l m\u0259nd\u0259n \u0259san\u0131 ist\u0259din.Qoydun yan\u0131na.\u201c\u018fsan\u0131 neynirs\u0259n, qurban olum ay ata.Ax\u0131 aya\u011fa qalxa bilmirs\u0259n\u201d.Susdun, sonra h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 s\u0259nin bu \u0259sayla \u00fcz\u00fc i\u015f\u0131\u011fa t\u0259r\u0259f gedi\u015fini g\u00f6r\u0259rdim yuxuda.Yolmu g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc s\u0259n\u0259?Yol s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u0259n\u0259 yax\u0131n s\u00f6z idi. H\u0259r \u015fairin \u00f6z sevdiyi s\u00f6zl\u0259r var. Yol s\u00f6z\u00fc s\u0259nin s\u00f6z\u00fcn idi\u2026<\/p>\n

Yol\u2026<\/p>\n

M\u0259n s\u0259nd\u0259n ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fam bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131 sevm\u0259y\u0259.On illik e\u015fq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn daha yan\u011f\u0131l\u0131 a\u011flarsan, yoxsa q\u0131rx illik?N\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox sev\u0259rs\u0259n o q\u0259d\u0259r yanmazm\u0131 can\u0131n?Gec g\u0259lmi\u015fdim h\u0259yat\u0131na.H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 qibt\u0259 edirdim qarda\u015flar\u0131ma, onlar s\u0259ni daha \u00e7ox g\u00f6r\u00fcb dey\u0259.S\u0259nd\u0259n sonra h\u0259yat bir ba\u015fqa oldu.Sanki \u0259lin\u0259 \u0259san\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb o i\u015f\u0131q selin\u0259 qo\u015fulub ged\u0259-ged\u0259 evimizin, \u00fcr\u0259yimizin i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da \u00f6z\u00fcnl\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kib apard\u0131n.Yan\u0131nda dayan\u0131rd\u0131m, q\u0131raqdan m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259 edirdim, nec\u0259 qarda\u015flar\u0131m g\u00f6zl\u0259rini s\u0259nd\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kmirdi.Onlar\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki nisgil dolu b\u00f6y\u00fck sevgini can\u0131mdan ke\u00e7irirdim.H\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck olublar dey\u0259 onlara yovu\u015fmaz olmu\u015fam, s\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7ox s\u0131\u011f\u0131nm\u0131\u015fam dey\u0259 onlara s\u0131\u011f\u0131nmam\u0131\u015fam.S\u0259nin onlarla vidala\u015fma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 he\u00e7 unutmuram.H\u0259r ata atad\u0131r, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259.N\u0259d\u0259n s\u0259n ba\u015fqa idin?B\u0259lk\u0259 doqquz ya\u015f\u0131nda itirdiyin ail\u0259ni d\u0259 bizd\u0259 tapm\u0131\u015fd\u0131n, bu s\u0259b\u0259bd\u0259n bu q\u0259d\u0259r ba\u011fl\u0131 idin biz\u0259. Yol dedim, sanki yolda qoydun m\u0259ni. Yuxuma da g\u0259lmirs\u0259n.\u0130lk m\u0259nd\u0259n d\u00f6nd\u00fcy\u00fcn g\u00fcn, getdiyin g\u00fcn oldu, geri d\u00f6nm\u0259din.<\/p>\n

Yoxlu\u011fundan sonra Yaz\u0131\u00e7\u0131lar Birliyin\u0259 \u0259\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131n dal\u0131yca getm\u0259liydim.Aya\u011f\u0131mdan el\u0259 bil da\u015f as\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.Ba\u015fqa \u00e7ar\u0259m yoxdur. Z\u0259ng edib, dedim ki, kitablar\u0131 haz\u0131r edin g\u0259lir\u0259m. M\u0259n ma\u015f\u0131nda olacam.Atamdan sonra yuxar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131xa bilm\u0259r\u0259m.Kitablar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrm\u0259y\u0259 ham\u0131 k\u00f6m\u0259k edirdi. G\u0259nc bir adam dedi ki, Aysel xan\u0131m, bu da \u015f\u0259xsi \u0259\u015fyalar\u0131d\u0131r, ona g\u00f6r\u0259 ayr\u0131 g\u0259tirdim. \u018f\u015fyalar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 \u0259ll\u0259rim \u0259sm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131.D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm ki, bu d\u0259qiq\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc tuta bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259m.Birt\u0259h\u0259r \u00f6z\u00fcmu toplad\u0131m. Ev\u0259 \u00e7atanda g\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki, burda n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r kitab varm\u0131\u015f, \u00fcst\u0259lik bir s\u00fcr\u00fc \u0259\u015fya, m\u0259ktub, kitablar\u2026 Bilmirdim n\u0259d\u0259n ba\u015flay\u0131m.<\/p>\n

G\u0259ncl\u0259r yaz\u0131lan qutunu a\u00e7d\u0131m.S\u0259liq\u0259 il\u0259 yi\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kitablara baxma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m.\u018fzizl\u0259diyin g\u0259ncliyi tan\u0131maq ist\u0259dim. Bir \u00e7ox g\u0259nc yazarlar\u0131n kitab\u0131ndak\u0131 \u00fcr\u0259k s\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r do\u011fmal\u0131q duydum, bu insanlar\u0131\u00a0 h\u0259yatda tapma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Atamdan sonra tapd\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlar m\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 \u00fczl\u0259rind\u0259 yaranan ifad\u0259d\u0259n bilirdim ki, onlar m\u0259nd\u0259 Fikr\u0259t Sad\u0131\u011f\u0131 axtar\u0131r. Daha bilmirdil\u0259r ki, bu aylar \u0259rzind\u0259 \u0259slind\u0259 m\u0259n onlarda Atam\u0131 tapm\u0131\u015fam. Birin\u0259 dediyi s\u00f6zd\u0259n yenid\u0259n ya\u015fad\u0131ram onu. Birg\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kilmi\u015f he\u00e7 g\u00f6rm\u0259diyim fotoda bir az daha \u0259zizl\u0259yir\u0259m. S\u0259n\u0259 \u015fikay\u0259t etm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259m. Yaln\u0131z \u0259d\u0259bi m\u00fchit dediyin bu al\u0259md\u0259 bu c\u00fcr ucal\u0131qda qalma\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 min qat daha r\u0259\u011fb\u0259tim artd\u0131. G\u0259ncl\u0259r \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259 \u00e7\u0259tindi. Bilirdin, \u0259d\u0259biyyat al\u0259min\u0259 iddiam yoxdur, he\u00e7 zaman da olmay\u0131b. Yaln\u0131z o \u0259zizl\u0259diyin g\u0259nclik \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn indi \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259tindir, onu da deyim.<\/p>\n

Fikr\u0259t Sad\u0131q, i\u015f\u0131q adam da deyirl\u0259r s\u0259n\u0259, i\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 adam da\u2026 Bilir\u0259m ki, s\u0259n ged\u0259ni i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6n\u00fcb \u00fcr\u0259yimin, qaranl\u0131qda hara g\u0259ldi gedir\u0259m. M\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn narahat olma.<\/p>\n

Bir-iki deyilm\u0259y\u0259n s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc axtar\u0131ram, onlar\u0131 da deyib g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259m yan\u0131na. Anam s\u0259n\u0259 \u015feir yaz\u0131b, \u015feir o q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259rdlidir ki, x\u0259st\u0259l\u0259nib. Bu ya\u015fa q\u0259d\u0259r sevgisini qoruyan, yeni saxlayan anama valehem. S\u0259nsizlikd\u0259 r\u0259ngi qa\u00e7\u0131b, onu qoruya bilmir\u0259m. Anam s\u0259ni \u00e7ox sevirmi\u015f\u2026 Bu b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u00fckd\u0259 sevgini nec\u0259 qazanm\u0131san, ay ki\u015fi, m\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259d\u0259rdin. Xo\u015fb\u0259xt adamsanm\u0131\u015f\u2026<\/p>\n

S\u0259n t\u0259miz, s\u0259hvsiz \u00e7inar \u00f6mr\u00fc ya\u015fayan adam idin. He\u00e7 oturub d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259dik. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, a\u011flamad\u0131m bir d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 s\u0259nin \u00e7iynind\u0259, yoruldu\u011fumu bilm\u0259din. \u0130ndi g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u0259n y\u0259qin nec\u0259 yor\u011funam. G\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcm kimi deyil\u0259m, ata. El\u0259 bir yer g\u00f6st\u0259r orda g\u0259z\u0259rk\u0259n s\u0259ni xat\u0131rlats\u0131n.
\nQ\u0259bir s\u0259nin \u0259b\u0259di yatd\u0131\u011f\u0131n yerdi, m\u0259n\u0259 yadd\u0131r. \u0130ncim\u0259, s\u0259n orda yoxsan, m\u0259n bunu duyuram. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 tamam ba\u015fqa yerd\u0259s\u0259n, bu n\u0259 sirrdir bel\u0259\u2026
\n\u018fvv\u0259ll\u0259r donan saatlar, sonra is\u0259 h\u0259yat \u00f6z axar\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. Yaln\u0131z m\u0259ni \u00f6z\u00fcyl\u0259 apara bilm\u0259di, m\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn ard\u0131yca gedib ya\u015famdan ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f geriy\u0259 d\u0259 d\u00f6n\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259n t\u0259k adamam.<\/p>\n

\n

<\/div>\n

Musteqil.az<\/p>\n

Yaz\u0131ya 783 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0(atama ) \u00a0\u018fn \u00e7\u0259tini s\u0259n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n evin, pill\u0259l\u0259rini \u00e7\u0131xma\u011fd\u0131r. S\u0259n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n evin qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6ym\u0259k, yoxlu\u011funa qonaq g\u0259lm\u0259k, s\u0259nsizlik qoxan divarlar\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 oturmaq. S\u0259ni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k, sevdiyin \u0259\u015fyalara toxunmaqd\u0131r. S\u0259ni tapmay\u0131b geri d\u00f6nm\u0259k. H\u0259r yerin bir s\u0259nsizliyi var\u2026 Hara qa\u00e7sam s\u0259nsizikl\u0259 \u00fczl\u0259\u015fib, bu be\u015f-alt\u0131 ay\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcmd\u0259n he\u00e7 zaman getm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 inan\u0131rd\u0131m,\u00a0 can\u0131mdak\u0131 ac\u0131n\u0131 susdurmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn s\u00f6zl\u0259r bel\u0259 aciz. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1,15,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11465"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11467,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11465\/revisions\/11467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}