{"id":12266,"date":"2019-01-29T20:19:55","date_gmt":"2019-01-29T16:19:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=12266"},"modified":"2019-01-29T20:20:58","modified_gmt":"2019-01-29T16:20:58","slug":"%c9%99s%c9%99d-qaraqaplan-dord-f%c9%99sil-t%c9%99nhaliqda-povest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=12266","title":{"rendered":"\u018fs\u0259d Qaraqaplan – “D\u00f6rd F\u0259sil T\u0259nhal\u0131qda” (Povest)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"49947402_1514628548682146_1158832766880579584_o\"<\/a>D\u00f6rd F\u0259sil T\u0259nhal\u0131qda<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Proloq<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m, hara getdiyimi bilm\u0259d\u0259n y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. Hava isti, h\u0259yatla aram\u0131n soyuq oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnl\u0259rd\u0259n biri. Haval\u0131-haval\u0131 dayanaca\u011fa \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda yeni ba\u015flayan \u0259sas yolda sanasan b\u00fct\u00fcn yollar\u0131m bitmi\u015f kimiydi.<\/p>\n

Mar\u015frut g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131rd\u0131 ki, he\u00e7 olmasa, metroya q\u0259d\u0259r gedim; ordan oyanas\u0131n\u0131 sonra d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcm. Bu 15-20 d\u0259qiq\u0259lik yolu piyada getm\u0259y\u0259 h\u0259v\u0259s d\u0259 qalmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Zat\u0259n m\u0259ni kims\u0259, n\u0259s\u0259 harasa aparmal\u0131yd\u0131, yoxsa ruh hal\u0131m\u0131n yer\u0259 m\u0131xlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ayaqlar g\u00fcn t\u0259p\u0259md\u0259n d\u00f6y\u0259rk\u0259n bel\u0259 m\u0259ni yerind\u0259n t\u0259rp\u0259tm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdi…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I<\/p>\n

Onda m\u0259n onu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, y\u0259ni h\u0259min qad\u0131n\u0131. O g\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6z\u0259l q\u0131lan qon\u015fu qad\u0131n\u0131…<\/p>\n

Dayanacaqdan hardasa y\u00fcz-y\u00fcz \u0259lli metr qabaqda, kiray\u0259 qald\u0131\u011f\u0131 gec\u0259qondudan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b yol k\u0259nar\u0131nda durmu\u015f, m\u0259nim kimi mar\u015frut g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259kd\u0259ydi.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n o qad\u0131n\u0131 ilk d\u0259f\u0259 onda g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm; ona q\u0259d\u0259r orda bir ail\u0259nin kiray\u0259 qald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bils\u0259m d\u0259, m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259nin giri\u015find\u0259ki d\u00fckana tez-tez g\u0259l\u0259n iki balaca o\u011flan u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rs\u0259m d\u0259, onlar\u0131n n\u0259 atas\u0131n\u0131, n\u0259 d\u0259 anas\u0131n\u0131 tan\u0131m\u0131rd\u0131m. O sevimli u\u015faqlarla h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 d\u00fckanda qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fanda \u015firin-\u015firin zarafatla\u015f\u0131r, deyib-g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fck. Adlar\u0131n\u0131 da bilirdim; biri – azca b\u00f6y\u00fck v\u0259 sevimli olan\u0131n \u015earman, o birinin ad\u0131 Raul idi.<\/p>\n

G\u00f6z\u0259l \u00fcz cizgil\u0259rin\u0259 sahib olan bu u\u015faqlar \u00f6z s\u0259liq\u0259-sahmanl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fl\u0259riyl\u0259 bu gec\u0259qondu m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259sinin ba\u015fqa u\u015faqlar\u0131ndan se\u00e7ilirdil\u0259r. Adam he\u00e7 inana bilmirdi ki, m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259nin \u0259n bax\u0131ms\u0131z, daha bir ay \u0259vv\u0259l zibillik olan, birt\u0259h\u0259r yax\u0131nl\u0131qdak\u0131 sexl\u0259rd\u0259n y\u0131\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u0259mir-d\u00fcm\u00fcr, taxta-k\u0259rpic par\u00e7alar\u0131yla bir araya g\u0259tirlmi\u015f o balaca daxmada ya\u015fay\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n

S\u0259brim \u00e7atmay\u0131b ir\u0259lil\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flayanda g\u0259lib o qad\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131na \u00e7atm\u0131\u015f, \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n x\u0259b\u0259rsiz ona baxma\u011fa ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. \u00dcz\u00fc o q\u0259d\u0259r do\u011fma idi ki, onu harda g\u00f6rs\u0259m, ilk bax\u0131\u015fdan bel\u0259 tan\u0131yard\u0131m. El\u0259 bil u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131n, x\u00fcsus\u0259n \u015earman\u0131n \u00fcz cizgil\u0259rin\u0259 sahib g\u00f6z\u0259l bir maska geyinmi\u015fdi. H\u00fcnd\u00fcr boylu, inc\u0259 belli bu qad\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131ndan baxmadan ke\u00e7m\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyildi. \u018fmin idim ki, \u0259n \u00e7ox qad\u0131nlar ona pax\u0131ll\u0131q edirl\u0259r.<\/p>\n

El\u0259 onun yan\u0131na t\u0259z\u0259 \u00e7atm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m ki, g\u00f6rd\u00fcm mar\u015frut yava\u015f-yava\u015f yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131r. Bunu g\u00f6r\u0259n kimi yan\u0131nda dayan\u0131b-durdum, g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. \u00d6nc\u0259 qad\u0131n \u00f6z ciddi sif\u0259tiyl\u0259 avtobusa qalxd\u0131, sonra m\u0259n. Yax\u0131nl\u0131qdak\u0131 oturacaqlardan birind\u0259 \u0259yl\u0259\u015fdi. M\u0259ns\u0259 ona baxa-baxa qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. O is\u0259 etinas\u0131zca p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259d\u0259n \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 baxaraq bu bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259qiq\u0259lik yolu tez bir zamanda ba\u015fa vurmaq ist\u0259yirmi\u015f kimi oturmu\u015f, sanki he\u00e7 dan\u0131\u015fmayacaq biri kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc yaratm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ancaq qad\u0131nlar\u0131n arxada da g\u00f6zl\u0259ri oldu\u011funu v\u0259 ona diqq\u0259tl\u0259 baxan birini baxmadan da g\u00f6rd\u00fckl\u0259rini bilirdim.<\/p>\n

H\u0259rd\u0259n n\u0259s\u0259 duymu\u015f kimi anid\u0259n ora-bura g\u00f6z g\u0259zdir\u0259nd\u0259 utanaraq bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 ondan \u00e7\u0259kir, o bayaq etdiyi kimi p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259d\u0259n \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 baxma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131m. Ama yen\u0259 d\u0259 onun h\u0259r \u015feyin f\u0259rqind\u0259 oldu\u011funu bilir, h\u0259tta biraz da bilm\u0259sini ist\u0259rc\u0259sin\u0259 davran\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Ger\u00e7\u0259kd\u0259n, hiss etdikl\u0259rimin n\u0259 oldu\u011funu bilmirdim, ancaq d\u0259qiq bilirdim ki, s\u0131rf \u015f\u0259hvani hiss deyil. \u00dcst\u0259lik, bu q\u0131sa s\u00fcr\u0259d\u0259, y\u0259ni ilk bax\u0131\u015fdan birin\u0259 vurula bil\u0259c\u0259yimi d\u0259 a\u011fl\u0131m k\u0259smir, q\u0259rib\u0259 ruh hal\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 s\u0131x\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m. V\u0259 m\u0259n ruh\u0259n n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r yaln\u0131z biri olsam da, el\u0259 yaln\u0131z biri d\u0259 say\u0131lmazd\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnki ist\u0259diyim m\u0259qamda yan\u0131mda bir qad\u0131n\u0131n olmas\u0131 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn idi.<\/p>\n

Ama n\u0259 etm\u0259k olard\u0131; b\u0259zi ger\u00e7\u0259k hisl\u0259rin – h\u0259tta ad\u0131n\u0131 bel\u0259 d\u0259qiq bilm\u0259s\u0259n, \u00f6n\u00fcn\u0259 ke\u00e7m\u0259k olmur.<\/p>\n

H\u0259r g\u00fcn d\u00fckanda u\u015faqlar\u0131yla zarafatla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu qad\u0131n\u0131n evli oldu\u011funu anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Zat\u0259n ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr ola da bilm\u0259zdi; el\u0259 bir yerd\u0259 – m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259d\u0259n biraz aral\u0131dak\u0131 gec\u0259qonduda iki k\u00f6rp\u0259 u\u015faqla yaln\u0131z ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 a\u011f\u0131la g\u0259tirm\u0259k \u00e7\u0259tin idi.<\/p>\n

Avtobus metronun yan\u0131nda dayananda bir az c\u0259ld t\u0259rp\u0259nib onun da yolpulunu verm\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Ancaq q\u0259rib\u0259 bir c\u0259ldlikl\u0259 \u0259limi geri it\u0259l\u0259yib \u00f6z pulunu verib d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. Bir anl\u0131q n\u0259 ba\u015f verdiyinin f\u0259rqind\u0259 olmad\u0131m. Ama i\u015f-i\u015fd\u0259n ke\u00e7mi\u015f; qad\u0131n m\u0259nim bu h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259timi \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 say\u011f\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131q, ya da n\u0259s\u0259 m\u0259qs\u0259dli bir \u015fey kimi q\u0259bul etmi\u015fdi.<\/p>\n

O ank\u0131 niyy\u0259timin s\u0131rf qon\u015fuluq oldu\u011funu bildiyim halda yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lmaq \u00e7ox zoruma getmi\u015fdi. \u00dcst\u0259lik, el\u0259 bir v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259ydim ki, bunu qald\u0131rmaq g\u00fcc\u00fcm d\u0259 yox idi. M\u0259n bunu bu m\u0259qamda \u0259n az\u0131 u\u015faqlar\u0131n\u0131 sevdiyim bir qad\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn qon\u015fuluq olaraq el\u0259yirdim.<\/p>\n

V\u0259 bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259, p\u0259rt olmu\u015f halda, \u00fcst\u0259lik hara getdiyimi bel\u0259 bilm\u0259diym bir m\u0259qamda art\u0131q metronun i\u00e7ind\u0259 oldu\u011fumu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Stansiyada t\u0259k\u0259mseyr\u0259k adamlar ya ora-bura gedir, ya da durub qatar g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdil\u0259r.<\/p>\n

V\u0259 budur, o qad\u0131n m\u0259rk\u0259z\u0259 do\u011fru ged\u0259n istiqam\u0259td\u0259 durub qatar g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259kd\u0259dir. \u00a0Bir anl\u0131q he\u00e7 n\u0259yin \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc vurmay\u0131b, yenid\u0259n onu incidib \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn d\u0259 p\u0259rt olmama\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn sakitc\u0259 \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getm\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Ama i\u00e7imd\u0259ki s\u0131x\u0131nt\u0131yla \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131 olmadan ona yax\u0131nla\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. Ona bir ne\u00e7\u0259 add\u0131m qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 ki, qatar g\u0259lib qayand\u0131, qap\u0131lar\u0131 minib-d\u00fc\u015f\u0259nl\u0259rin \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu m\u0259qamda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm ki, h\u0259r \u015fey bitdi; qad\u0131n qatara min\u0259c\u0259k v\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcm \u00fcr\u0259yimd\u0259 qalacaq. Ona yax\u0131nla\u015fma\u011fa da \u00e7\u0259kindiyim\u00e7\u00fcn \u201cB\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259, bel\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131d\u0131r\u201d, – fikirl\u0259\u015fdim. Ancaq qap\u0131lar ba\u011flananda qad\u0131n\u0131n he\u00e7 bir h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259t etm\u0259diyini g\u00f6r\u00fcb anld\u0131m ki, onun g\u00f6zl\u0259diyi qatar bu deyilmi\u015f. \u0130ndi ya ona yax\u0131nla\u015fmal\u0131, ya da susqunluqda k\u0259sil\u0259-k\u0259sil\u0259 qalmal\u0131yd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Bird\u0259n qad\u0131na yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b, he\u00e7 bir \u015fey g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259d\u0259n, biraz da incik halda dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m:<\/p>\n

– Xan\u0131m, yanl\u0131\u015f anlad\u0131n\u0131z; sad\u0259c\u0259 bir qon\u015fu kimi yolpulunuzu verm\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Yoxsa sizi incitm\u0259k, say\u011f\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131q el\u0259m\u0259k ist\u0259m\u0259zdim.<\/p>\n

Dem\u0259y\u0259 s\u00f6z axtar\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi g\u00f6z\u0259l g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki kinay\u0259yl\u0259 m\u0259ni s\u00fczd\u00fc. M\u0259g\u0259r o s\u00f6zl\u0259r \u00e7oxdan haz\u0131r imi\u015f, ya da dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flayanda m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259ldi:<\/p>\n

– Bilir\u0259m, h\u0259r k\u0259s bel\u0259 deyir. H\u0259r k\u0259s el\u0259 bel\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131r; \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc bel\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259tli, centlemen g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Biriniz d\u0259 biraz f\u0259rqli bir yol, f\u0259rqli bir s\u00f6z tap\u0131n da…<\/p>\n

D\u00fcz\u00fc, art\u0131q ikinci d\u0259f\u0259 p\u0259rt oldum, bu s\u00f6zl\u0259rin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ona n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yimi bilm\u0259dim.<\/p>\n

\u00ad- Do\u011frudan, bunu sizi inandr\u0131maq x\u0259trin\u0259 demir\u0259m, inan\u0131b-inanmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcz bil\u0259rsiniz.<\/p>\n

– Laz\u0131m deyil. H\u00f6rm\u0259tiniz d\u0259, inam\u0131n\u0131z da sizd\u0259 qals\u0131n. M\u0259nim buna ehtiyac\u0131m yoxdu, – o da \u00f6z s\u0259rtliyind\u0259n d\u00f6nm\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– Sad\u0259c\u0259 ona g\u00f6r\u0259 siz\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131m ki, m\u0259ni yanl\u0131\u015f anlamayas\u0131z. Yoxsa ba\u015fqa niyy\u0259tim yoxdu, – biraz da \u0259minlikl\u0259, h\u0259r \u015feyi yoluna qoyma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015faraq dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m: – Bilir\u0259m, siz orda, o evd\u0259 ya\u015fay\u0131rs\u0131z, sizi g\u00f6r\u0259n kimi tan\u0131d\u0131m.<\/p>\n

– M\u0259ns\u0259 sizi tan\u0131m\u0131ram v\u0259 he\u00e7 g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m d\u0259. H\u0259tta bu m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259d\u0259n olub-olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 da bilmir\u0259m, – qad\u0131n t\u0259l\u0259sik dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131: – H\u0259m bunun he\u00e7 f\u0259rqi d\u0259 yoxdu; ya burda olun, ya da olmay\u0131n. M\u0259n\u0259 bel\u0259 \u015feyl\u0259r xo\u015f deyil.<\/p>\n

– \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, anlay\u0131ram. Ama m\u0259ni d\u0259 d\u00fczg\u00fcn anlay\u0131n; bilm\u0259dim siz bel\u0259 s\u0259rt reaksiya ver\u0259c\u0259ksiz, – biraz g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259y\u0259r\u0259k s\u00f6hb\u0259ti yum\u015faltma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. – Dedim, bird\u0259n yolpulunuzu verm\u0259r\u0259m – ax\u0131 bizd\u0259 ad\u0259t bel\u0259di – sonra dey\u0259rsiz ki, buna bax, yek\u0259 adamd\u0131, d\u00fc\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 yolpulumu vermir…<\/p>\n

G\u00f6z\u0259l \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn s\u0259rt q\u0131r\u0131\u015flar\u0131 biraz azalsa da, h\u0259l\u0259 tam yum\u015falmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Bu vaxt he\u00e7 ist\u0259m\u0259diyim bir \u015fey oldu: platformaya yax\u0131nla\u015fan qatar\u0131n s\u0259si e\u015fidildi. \u00d6z\u00fc d\u0259 qad\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 dem\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir m\u0259qamda.<\/p>\n

– M\u0259nim siz\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yim bir s\u00f6z yoxdu, sad\u0259c\u0259 xo\u015flanm\u0131ram bel\u0259 \u015feyl\u0259rd\u0259n. \u00d6z\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fc yorub izah el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmay\u0131n.<\/p>\n

– M\u0259n siz\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259yi izah el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131ram, sad\u0259c\u0259 yanl\u0131\u015f anlamam\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 ist\u0259yir\u0259m, – demi\u015fdim ki, qatar dayand\u0131, qap\u0131lar a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n qap\u0131ya t\u0259r\u0259f azac\u0131q h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259t etmi\u015fdi ki, art\u0131q he\u00e7 bir s\u00f6z\u00fcn i\u015f\u0259 yaramad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcb son c\u0259sar\u0259timi toplayaraq s\u0259mimi \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 dedim:<\/p>\n

– D\u00fczd\u00fc, \u00e7ox g\u00f6z\u0259l xan\u0131ms\u0131z, siz\u0259 diqq\u0259tsiz qalmaq m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyil, ancaq yen\u0259 deyir\u0259m: bunun yolpulunuzu verm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaqla he\u00e7 bir \u0259laq\u0259si yox idi.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n bir anl\u0131q duruxub a\u011fz\u0131mdan \u00e7\u0131xan s\u00f6zl\u0259r\u0259 inan\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7evirdi, dedikl\u0259rim\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259min oldu\u011fumu g\u00f6rm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u00fcz g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 baxd\u0131. G\u00f6rd\u00fc m\u0259nim he\u00e7 t\u00fck\u00fcm bel\u0259 t\u0259rp\u0259nmir, onun bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan qorxub qa\u00e7m\u0131ram, t\u0259\u0259ss\u00fcfl\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yell\u0259yib sad\u0259c\u0259 bel\u0259 dedi:<\/p>\n

– G\u00f6rd\u00fcz, g\u00f6rd\u00fcz?!<\/p>\n

– Ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u0259m. Ama m\u0259n d\u0259 sizinl\u0259 s\u0259mimi oldum v\u0259 bunu \u00e7\u0259kinm\u0259d\u0259n deyir\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Bu vaxt qap\u0131lar ba\u011flanm\u015f, qatar yola d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Qad\u0131nsa tutqun halda n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yini bilmir, \u0259s\u0259bi halda ora-bura bax\u0131r, sanasan m\u0259ni utand\u0131rmaqdan \u00f6tr\u00fc \u0259n s\u0259rt v\u0259 s\u0259rrast s\u00f6zl\u0259ri tap\u0131b dem\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– Bu q\u0259d\u0259r yet\u0259r! Sizin \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fczd\u0259n qatar\u0131 da qa\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131m. M\u0259n i\u015f adam\u0131yam, sizin kimi bo\u015f-bekar, g\u00f6r\u00fcy\u00fc h\u0259r qad\u0131n\u0131n arxas\u0131yca d\u00fc\u015f\u0259n biri deyil\u0259m. L\u00fctf\u0259n m\u0259ni rahat burax\u0131n.<\/p>\n

– Zat\u0259n sizi narahat etm\u0259k fikrim yox idi, s\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc deyib ged\u0259c\u0259kdim,\u00a0 – onun son s\u00f6zl\u0259rinin t\u0259sirind\u0259n n\u0259 dediyimi bilmirmi\u015f kimi dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m: – H\u0259m d\u0259 ist\u0259dim anlayas\u0131z ki, bo\u015f-bekar, h\u0259r d\u0259qiq\u0259 birinin arxas\u0131yca d\u00fc\u015f\u0259n biri deyil\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Bu s\u00f6zl\u0259ri dey\u0259nd\u0259n sonra art\u0131q orda qalma\u011f\u0131n yeri olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan a\u011f\u0131r-a\u011f\u0131r d\u00f6n\u00fcb getm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131rla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m ki, qad\u0131n dedi:<\/p>\n

– Sizd\u0259n xahi\u015f edir\u0259m, bir d\u0259 m\u0259ni harda g\u00f6rs\u0259niz, yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131b yolpulumu-filan verm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmay\u0131n.<\/p>\n

Anid\u0259n d\u00f6n\u00fcb onun \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 baxd\u0131m ki, g\u00f6r\u00fcm bu s\u00f6zl\u0259ri hans\u0131 ifad\u0259yl\u0259 deyir. \u018fvv\u0259lki s\u0259rtliyind\u0259n \u0259s\u0259r-\u0259lam\u0259t qalmasa da, onu bir d\u0259 narahat etm\u0259m\u0259yim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yalvar\u0131\u015fl\u0131 bir \u0259minliy\u0259 sahib oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bu \u00e7ar\u0259siz bax\u0131\u015flarla \u00e7ox narahat edildiyini, h\u0259tta \u00e7ox incidildiyini a\u00e7\u0131q-ayd\u0131n sezdirirdi.<\/p>\n

– Anlayram sizi. Ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr\u0259m, \u00e7ox narahat edilmi\u015f, \u00e7ox bel\u0259 hallar g\u00f6rm\u00fcs\u00fcz, – a\u00e7\u0131q \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 son s\u00f6zl\u0259rini dey\u0259n biri kimi dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m: – Ancaq yen\u0259 deyir\u0259m, sizi narahat etm\u0259k v\u0259 incitm\u0259k niyy\u0259tim yox idi. Sad\u0259c\u0259 bel\u0259 al\u0131nd\u0131, \u00fcz\u00fcrl\u00fc hesab el\u0259yin.<\/p>\n

– \u00c7ox sa\u011folun anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131za g\u00f6r\u0259, – deyib relsl\u0259r\u0259 baxmaqla \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc m\u0259nd\u0259n gizl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

M\u0259ns\u0259 \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u00fc olsam da, t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcml\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 yell\u0259dim, \u201cd\u0259ym\u0259z\u201d deyib ordan uzaqla\u015fd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Sonra qatara minm\u0259d\u0259n metrodan \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m, bir siqaret al\u0131\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b fikirli-fikirli ev\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f add\u0131mlama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. Piyada qay\u0131td\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu yolla 15-20 d\u0259qiq\u0259ni n\u0259 vaxt g\u0259lib ota\u011f\u0131ma \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, n\u0259 vaxt \u015f\u0259rab \u015f\u00fc\u015f\u0259sini a\u00e7\u0131b i\u00e7m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 v\u0259 n\u0259 vaxt s\u00fcst halda yata\u011fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb qald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilm\u0259dim.<\/p>\n

Bir d\u0259 gec\u0259yar\u0131 ay\u0131l\u0131b h\u0259r \u015feyi dumanl\u0131 \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 xat\u0131rlama\u011fa ba\u015flayanda indi harda, nec\u0259 oldu\u011fumu yava\u015f-yava\u015f anlay\u0131r, bu a\u011f\u0131r yuxudan ay\u0131lma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

H\u0259r \u015fey m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r yuxu kimi g\u0259ls\u0259 d\u0259, bu dumanl\u0131 \u015feyl\u0259rin aras\u0131nda o qad\u0131n\u0131n t\u0259k ger\u00e7\u0259k oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131rd\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

II<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u00e7 n\u0259yi unutmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir pay\u0131z g\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcnorta i\u015fd\u0259 s\u0131x\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, durub ev\u0259 yol alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r he\u00e7 i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259m\u0259li oldu\u011fumu duysam da, h\u0259yatda qalmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ba\u015fqa yolun olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bildiyimd\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 n\u0259l\u0259r\u0259s\u0259 d\u00f6z\u00fcb-durur, yar\u0131m g\u00fcn d\u0259 olsa, i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Zat\u0259n bug\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r ald\u0131qlar\u0131m\u0131n he\u00e7 yar\u0131m i\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fcn\u0259 bel\u0259 d\u0259ymir, haqq\u0131n\u0131 ala bilm\u0259m\u0259k m\u0259ni biraz da yaln\u0131zla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015f\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259, ad\u0259t\u0259n, mar\u015frutla gedir, g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259s\u0259 o yolu piyada qay\u0131tma\u011f\u0131 sevirdim. Bu m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00fcn \u0259rzind\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm haqs\u0131zl\u0131qlar, xo\u015fag\u0259lm\u0259z hallar haqq\u0131nda \u0259n az\u0131 15-20 d\u0259qiq\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k imkan\u0131 verirdi. Ondan \u0259vv\u0259l v\u0259 ondan sonra – insan qalabal\u0131qlar\u0131nda, s\u0259s-k\u00fcyd\u0259 v\u0259 p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259siz gec\u0259qondu ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131n yaratd\u0131\u011f\u0131 havas\u0131zl\u0131qda \u00e7ox da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k imkan\u0131m v\u0259 hal\u0131m olmurdu. Bu sakit, kims\u0259siz uzun yolda h\u0259yat b\u00fct\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131yla insan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcr v\u0259 n\u0259 vaxt g\u0259lib ev\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 da bilmirs\u0259n.<\/p>\n

Ama bu g\u00fcn g\u00fcnd\u00fcz ev\u0259 d\u00f6n\u0259rk\u0259n qar\u015f\u0131mda onu – o qad\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259k m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259m biraz g\u00fcc vermi\u015f, h\u0259m d\u0259 fikirl\u0259rimi \u0259m\u0259llic\u0259 qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n evl\u0259rind\u0259n azca aral\u0131 – m\u0259rk\u0259zi yolun s\u0259kisiyl\u0259 yan\u0131nda o\u011flu \u015earmanla birlikd\u0259 harasa gedirdi. Y\u0259qin o\u011flunu yax\u0131nl\u0131qlak\u0131 m\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 aparark\u0259n\u00a0 durub mar\u015frut g\u00f6zl\u0259my\u0259 g\u0259r\u0259k g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015f, bu q\u0131sa yolu piyada getm\u0259yi \u00fcst\u00fcn bilmi\u015fdi.<\/p>\n

Uzaqdan onu g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 dey\u0259 bilm\u0259r\u0259m, zat\u0259n bu m\u0259saf\u0259d\u0259n birini tan\u0131maq \u00e7ox zor olard\u0131. N\u0259 \u00e7oxdur u\u015fa\u011f\u0131yla yol ged\u0259n qad\u0131n v\u0259 \u0259traf\u0131ndak\u0131 insanlara fikir verm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn g\u0259r\u0259k he\u00e7 bir fikirl\u0259 u\u011fra\u015fmam\u0131\u015f olasan. Oysa indi \u00f6l\u00fcmd\u0259n tutmu\u015f h\u0259r \u015fey haqq\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u00a0m\u0259nim kimi adamlar\u0131n ya\u015famas\u0131 bu d\u00fcnya \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn el\u0259 d\u0259 f\u0259rq el\u0259mir…<\/p>\n

Yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca daha \u00e7ox tan\u0131\u015f g\u0259lm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flayan ana-baladan ilk olaraq u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 – \u015earman\u0131 tan\u0131d\u0131m. Bu g\u00f6z\u0259l \u00fczl\u00fc u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 harda olsa, uzaqdan tan\u0131yard\u0131m. Yava\u015f-yava\u015f o qad\u0131n\u0131 da tan\u0131ma\u011fa, g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 onun az qala bir f\u0259sil qabaqk\u0131 hal\u0131 canlanma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. Bu q\u0259d\u0259r canl\u0131 bir \u00fcz\u00fc niy\u0259 gec tan\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, bilmir\u0259m, ancaq he\u00e7 unutmam\u0131\u015f olma\u011f\u0131m y\u0259qindi.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcnd\u0259 onlarla, y\u00fczl\u0259rl\u0259 insan g\u00f6r\u00fcr, bir \u00e7oxundan xo\u015flan\u0131r v\u0259 q\u0131sa zaman i\u00e7ind\u0259 d\u0259 \u00e7oxunu unuduruq. Ama indi onu u\u015fa\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 deyil, b\u0259lk\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bel\u0259 sonra g\u00f6r\u0259c\u0259yim bu g\u00f6z\u0259lliy\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 sevm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlay\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fc getdikc\u0259 daha ciddi hal alark\u0259n \u015earman\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259 t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm yaran\u0131rd\u0131. El\u0259 bilirdim, \u015earman m\u0259n\u0259 yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259k \u0259v\u0259zin\u0259, \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259ki t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00e7oxalmas\u0131yla biraz da u\u015faqla\u015f\u0131r, ama \u0259ksin\u0259, anas\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259ki ifad\u0259 ciddil\u0259\u015fdikc\u0259 biraz daha b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr v\u0259 normal hal\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ancaq n\u0259 olur, olsun, g\u00f6zl\u0259r h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 ger\u00e7\u0259yi deyir. Qad\u0131n\u0131n narahat halda tez-tez ora-bura baxan g\u00f6zl\u0259ri \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 bilm\u0259d\u0259n \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 verdiyi ciddi ifad\u0259ni azald\u0131r, daha da yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca sanasan onu bir q\u0259mli m\u0259l\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7evirir, bir n\u00f6v \u0259l\u0259 verirdi.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n indi onun g\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259 kim idim, nec\u0259 idim, m\u0259lum deyildi.\u00a0 El\u0259 q\u0259rib\u0259 bir haldayd\u0131m ki, onlarla \u00fcz-\u00fcz\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn h\u0259tta bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 yolun o biri \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 ke\u00e7m\u0259yi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Ancaq \u015earman\u0131n yax\u0131nla\u015fan t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fc m\u0259ni fikrimd\u0259n da\u015f\u0131nd\u0131rd\u0131. \u0130ndi o qad\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u0259lliyin\u0259 deyil, daha \u00e7ox bu balaca u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm\u00fcn\u0259 can at\u0131rd\u0131m. N\u0259 dey\u0259 g\u00fcl\u0259-g\u00fcl\u0259 \u00fcz\u0259rim\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259n bir u\u015faqdan qa\u00e7a bil\u0259rdim ki?! Bilm\u0259zdimmi? Bunu da bilmir\u0259m, ama yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca onu bilirdim ki, m\u0259n bunu ist\u0259yir\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Onu yenid\u0259n g\u00f6rm\u0259k, yax\u0131ndan ona baxmaq – indi anlay\u0131rd\u0131m ki, b\u00fct\u00fcn bu m\u0259nas\u0131z d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n, g\u00fcnd\u0259lik h\u0259yat v\u0259 \u00f6t\u0259ri qay\u011f\u0131lardan uzaqla\u015fma\u011f\u0131n \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259l yoluymu\u015f. B\u00fct\u00fcn varl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla bu ana k\u00f6kl\u0259nm\u0259yim m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi unutdurur, duydu\u011fum h\u0259zz bir \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu unudulmayan sevi\u015fm\u0259k h\u0259zzini xat\u0131rlad\u0131rd\u0131. V\u0259 o yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca orqazm an\u0131na yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi bir istilik duyma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131m. Sanasan he\u00e7 vaxt doya bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yim bu h\u0259zz b\u00fct\u00fcn v\u00fccuduma yay\u0131l\u0131r, get-ged\u0259 beynimin i\u00e7ind\u0259 alov diliml\u0259ri y\u00fcks\u0259lm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu arada yeridiyimi deyil, u\u00e7du\u011fumu hiss edir, m\u0259nzil\u0259 daha tez varmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn i\u00e7imd\u0259ki qanadlar\u0131 daha tez-tez \u00e7\u0131rpma\u011fa ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131m \u2013 el\u0259 bil i\u00e7imd\u0259n u\u00e7araq ona t\u0259r\u0259f gedirdim.<\/p>\n

Kor etm\u0259k h\u0259ddind\u0259ki bu ayd\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc m\u0259ni n\u0259 zaman \u00e7\u0259kib \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn be\u015f add\u0131ml\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u0259tirdi, he\u00e7 bilmir\u0259m. Bir d\u0259 onu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki, \u015earman g\u00fcl\u0259-g\u00fcl\u0259 \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 qa\u00e7\u0131r, m\u0259niml\u0259 salamla\u015f\u0131b s\u00f6hb\u0259t etm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn t\u0259l\u0259sir.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n narahat halda ilk \u00f6nc\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n niy\u0259 bel\u0259 el\u0259diyini anlaya bilmir, sanasan el\u0259 bilirdi ki, sad\u0259c\u0259 yolda qa\u00e7maq, oynamaq ist\u0259yir. Ancaq \u015earman\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7at\u0131b sevincd\u0259n az qala \u00fcz\u0259rim\u0259 tullanmaq ist\u0259diyini g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 t\u0259la\u015fl\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259ri biraz daha b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f, bir anl\u0131q n\u0259 ba\u015f verdiyini anlamaqda \u00e7\u0259tinlik \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015fdi.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n dayan\u0131b \u015earman\u0131 qucaqlay\u0131b \u00f6p\u0259nd\u0259, sonra ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131\u011fallay\u0131b \u015firin-\u015firin s\u00f6hb\u0259t el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flayanda o da g\u0259lib biz\u0259 \u00e7atm\u0131\u015f, neyl\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yini bilm\u0259d\u0259n bir n\u00f6v k\u0259nardan seyir\u00e7i olmaq zorunda qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– Nec\u0259s\u0259n? Kefin nec\u0259di? – M\u0259n \u015earman\u0131 nazlaya-nazlaya soru\u015fanda o, k\u0259nardan durub bax\u0131r, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n bu sevincin\u0259 t\u0259\u0259cc\u00fcbl\u0259nir, n\u0259 dem\u0259k laz\u0131m oldu\u011funu bilmirdi.<\/p>\n

– Ana, bu m\u0259nim dostumdu. H\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 d\u00fckanda, m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259d\u0259, yolda \u00a0g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 zarafat ed\u0259n, m\u0259niml\u0259 oynayan, – u\u015faq g\u00fcl\u0259-g\u00fcl\u0259 m\u0259ni anas\u0131na tan\u0131td\u0131rmaq ist\u0259yir, niy\u0259 sevindiyini, niy\u0259 m\u0259niml\u0259 mehriban oldu\u011funu anlatma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131nsa yaln\u0131z susaraq ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yell\u0259yir, guya m\u0259mnun oldu\u011funu bildirm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r, u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259n tutub uzaqla\u015fma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– \u015earman, d\u0259rs\u0259 gecikirs\u0259n, ged\u0259k, – dey\u0259nd\u0259 buna daha \u00e7ox \u0259min oldum.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259l\u0259 25 d\u0259qiq\u0259miz var, ana, t\u0259l\u0259sm\u0259, – u\u015faq \u0259rk\u00f6y\u00fcnl\u00fckl\u0259 etiraz el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsa da, anas\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcnd\u0259ki ifad\u0259d\u0259n israrl\u0131 oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcb boynunu b\u00fck\u0259r\u0259k raz\u0131la\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Ama bu an \u015earmanla zarafatla\u015fmadan sonra t\u0259la\u015f\u0131m\u0131 azca yenmi\u015f halda d\u00f6vr\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259n girdim. Ortam\u0131 biraz yum\u015faltmaqdan \u00f6tr\u00fc dedim:<\/p>\n

– Bel\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l dostumla 2 d\u0259qiq\u0259 \u015firin-\u015firin s\u00f6hb\u0259t etm\u0259yi, zarafatla\u015fma\u011f\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7ox g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fczs\u0259, onda \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b ged\u0259 bil\u0259rsiz, m\u0259n \u00f6z-\u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 oynayaram burda. Ama unutmay\u0131n, siz onun anas\u0131s\u0131zsa, m\u0259n d\u0259 dostuyam…<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcn\u0259 zorla azca t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm verib dem\u0259y\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 axtarark\u0259n m\u0259n \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc u\u015fa\u011fa tutub dedim:<\/p>\n

– Ax\u015fam\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 g\u0259l\u0259rs\u0259n d\u00fckana, ac\u0131\u011fa orda oynayar\u0131q rahat. H\u0259l\u0259 s\u00f6z\u00fcm d\u0259 var s\u0259n\u0259.<\/p>\n

– N\u0259? N\u0259di? \u0130ndi den\u0259n, tez… – israr etm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flayanda anas\u0131 biraz da narahat halda dill\u0259ndi:<\/p>\n

– \u015eari, biz h\u0259l\u0259 s\u0259nin haz\u0131rl\u0131q m\u00fc\u0259llimini g\u00f6rm\u0259liyik. Ged\u0259k.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259, \u015eari, – m\u0259n d\u0259 u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 anas\u0131 kimi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131b dedim, – getm\u0259lisiz. Ax\u015fam\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 oynayar\u0131q, yax\u015f\u0131?<\/p>\n

U\u015faq ba\u015f\u0131yla k\u00f6n\u00fcls\u00fcz raz\u0131l\u0131q ver\u0259nd\u0259 ona dedim:<\/p>\n

– Bax, anan\u0131 \u0259s\u0259bil\u0259\u015fdirm\u0259y\u0259k, yoxsa ikimizi d\u0259 yolun ortas\u0131nda d\u00f6y\u0259r haa…<\/p>\n

Sonra \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc qad\u0131na tutub zarafatla dedim:<\/p>\n

– Bu u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 sizin do\u011fdu\u011funuza inana bilmir\u0259m…<\/p>\n

– Niy\u0259 inana bilmirsiz? \u2013 qad\u0131n, n\u0259hay\u0259t, m\u0259niml\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

– \u00c7\u00fcnki bel\u0259 sevimli v\u0259 \u015firin u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n sizin kimi ciddi v\u0259 qa\u015fqabaql\u0131 anas\u0131 olmas\u0131na inanmaq olmur.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259r k\u0259sl\u0259 s\u0259mimi v\u0259 g\u00fcl\u0259r\u00fcz olmaq m\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 deyil, – qad\u0131n el\u0259 bil zarafat\u0131m\u0131 anlam\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi s\u0259rt \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 dedi.<\/p>\n

– Yen\u0259 anlay\u0131ram sizi, – ilk d\u0259f\u0259ki s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz\u0259 i\u015far\u0259 vurdum, – sad\u0259c\u0259 yen\u0259 yanl\u0131\u015f anlama\u011f\u0131n\u0131zdan \u00e7\u0259kin\u0259r\u0259k dedim.<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259ki ifad\u0259nin s\u0259rtl\u0259\u015fdiyini, ciddil\u0259\u015fdiyimi g\u00f6r\u00fcb tez-t\u0259l\u0259sik dill\u0259ndi:<\/p>\n

– Yox, narahat olmay\u0131n, yanl\u0131\u015f anlam\u0131ram bu s\u0259f\u0259r. Bu da yolpulumu verm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaq deyil ki… – qad\u0131n ilk d\u0259f\u0259 yar\u0131zarafat, yar\u0131kinay\u0259li bir \u015fey dedi.<\/p>\n

– H\u0259, o g\u00fcn sizin q\u0259bul el\u0259m\u0259diyiniz o 20 q\u0259pikl\u0259 bilirsiz n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r i\u015f g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r \u015fey ald\u0131m?! Metrodan ke\u00e7m\u0259kl\u0259 qalmay\u0131b, gedib onunla i\u015fd\u0259 nahar el\u0259dim, i\u015fd\u0259n sonra dostlarla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb onlara yax\u015f\u0131 bir qonaql\u0131q verdim, sonra ev\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 n\u0259 laz\u0131md\u0131sa ald\u0131m, g\u0259lib h\u0259tta kiray\u0259mi verdim, d\u00fckan\u0131n borcunu ba\u011flad\u0131m, h\u0259l\u0259 ev d\u0259 ald\u0131m, toy da el\u0259dim \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259. Sonra yen\u0259 xeyli qald\u0131 o 20 q\u0259pikd\u0259n. H\u0259, vallah, \u00fcst\u0259lik, \u015earman daxil, b\u00fct\u00fcn m\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259 u\u015faqlar\u0131na d\u00fckandan \u00fcr\u0259kl\u0259ri n\u0259 ist\u0259di ald\u0131m, dedik-g\u00fcld\u00fck, sevindik ham\u0131m\u0131z bir yerd\u0259…<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n\u0131n g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259diyini g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 niy\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r co\u015fub zarafatla\u015fma\u011fa davam el\u0259diyimi yaln\u0131z indi anlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

– Yax\u015f\u0131 ki, o vaxt yolpulunu q\u0259bul el\u0259m\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, yoxsa sizi xeyli x\u0259rc\u0259 salm\u0131\u015f olard\u0131m, – dill\u0259ndi.<\/p>\n

– \u018fslind\u0259, sizi ilk d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcm o g\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra h\u0259yat\u0131mdan n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r x\u0259rcl\u0259diyimi indi anlada bilm\u0259r\u0259m… – \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n as\u0131l\u0131 olmadan onun getm\u0259k ist\u0259diyini g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 dedim: – ama ondan sonra bir d\u0259f\u0259 d\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131xmad\u0131n\u0131z ki, siz\u0259 o yolpulunu almad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131za g\u00f6r\u0259 t\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr el\u0259yim…<\/p>\n

Qad\u0131n n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yini yenid\u0259n unutmu\u015f halda c\u0259ld u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259n yap\u0131\u015fd\u0131 v\u0259 getm\u0259y\u0259 haz\u0131r dayand\u0131. M\u0259ns\u0259 susqun halda dayan\u0131b-durmu\u015f, ondan birc\u0259 k\u0259lm\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259m\u0259kd\u0259ydim. Bu arada \u015earman da n\u0259 ba\u015f verdiyini anlamam\u0131\u015f halda \u0259traf\u0131na bax\u0131n\u0131r, bizim dialoqumuzdan bir \u015fey anlam\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– M\u0259n siz\u0259 he\u00e7 bir \u015fey el\u0259m\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, el\u0259m\u0259k fikrim d\u0259 olmay\u0131b, – u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259m\u0259si \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn t\u0259l\u0259sk\u0259n halda dill\u0259ndi. – Bu bar\u0259d\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259mir\u0259m, incim\u0259yin. \u00dcst\u0259lik, t\u0259l\u0259sirik d\u0259.<\/p>\n

– Haql\u0131s\u0131z. Sizi yolunuzdan el\u0259diyim\u0259 v\u0259 bel\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131ma g\u00f6r\u0259 yen\u0259 d\u0259 \u00fczrl\u00fc say\u0131n. Y\u0259qin m\u0259n yen\u0259 n\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, neyl\u0259diyimi bilmir\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Bu arada g\u00f6z\u00fcm yen\u0259 \u015earmana sata\u015fanda u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 bu s\u00f6hb\u0259td\u0259n bir \u015fey anlam\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi \u0259trafa baxd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bizim son ciddi s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz u\u015fa\u011f\u0131n g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc d\u0259 qa\u00e7\u0131rm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– Bel\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l balan\u0131z oldu\u011fu \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u00e7ox \u015fansl\u0131s\u0131z, – \u015earman\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131\u011fallay\u0131b dedim.<\/p>\n

– \u00c7ox sa\u011folun, allah siz\u0259 d\u0259 qism\u0259t el\u0259sin, \u0259g\u0259r yoxunuzdursa…<\/p>\n

– Yox, m\u0259nim he\u00e7 n\u0259yim yoxdu, – g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259my\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsam da, n\u0259s\u0259 s\u00f6zl\u0259rim daha \u00e7ox h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131.<\/p>\n

– Olar, in\u015fallah! H\u0259l\u0259 n\u0259 ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131z var ki… – qad\u0131n t\u0259l\u0259sik dill\u0259ndi.<\/p>\n

– Ehh… n\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259diyimi bilm\u0259d\u0259n bir anl\u0131q susdum.<\/p>\n

\u018fslind\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 dem\u0259y\u0259 macal tapmadan onlar\u0131n yola d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc, \u015earman\u0131n arxaya boylana-boylana anas\u0131n\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259n tutmu\u015f halda getdiyini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259ki deyilm\u0259mi\u015f s\u00f6zl\u0259rl\u0259 nec\u0259 yer\u0259 m\u0131xlan\u0131b qalm\u0131\u015fd\u0131msa, onlar g\u00f6zd\u0259n it\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r q\u0131m\u0131ldanmad\u0131m bel\u0259. Sonra a\u011f\u0131r-a\u011f\u0131r ev\u0259 do\u011fru ir\u0259lil\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

O an h\u0259yat\u0131n m\u0259nim\u00e7\u00fcn b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn durdu\u011funu hiss edir, zaman\u0131n dondu\u011funu duyur, \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 he\u00e7 bir h\u0259yat \u0259lam\u0259ti g\u00f6rm\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Sanasan bir yuxu i\u00e7ind\u0259 ir\u0259lil\u0259yirdim v\u0259 t\u0259k d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcym d\u0259 n\u0259 vaxt ev\u0259 \u00e7ataca\u011f\u0131m, i\u00e7ib yen\u0259 s\u00fcst halda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb qalaca\u011f\u0131m idi…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

III<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gec\u0259yar\u0131 yuxudan ay\u0131landa sa\u00e7-saqqal\u0131m\u0131n uzand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 v\u0259 \u0259ynimd\u0259ki paltarlar\u0131n k\u00f6hn\u0259ldiyini, ota\u011f\u0131m\u0131n divarlar\u0131n\u0131n pis g\u00fcn\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fcn\u00fc, k\u00fcncl\u0259ri h\u00f6r\u00fcm\u00e7\u0259k torlar\u0131n\u0131n basd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. \u0130\u015f\u0131q s\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f, isidici \u00e7oxdan xarab olub ota\u011f\u0131n bir k\u00fcnc\u00fcn\u0259 a\u015fm\u0131\u015f, qab-qacaq v\u0259 pal-paltar toz-torpaq i\u00e7ind\u0259ydi.<\/p>\n

Stolun \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259ki bo\u015f \u015f\u0259rab \u015f\u00fc\u015f\u0259l\u0259rinin \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259ki ka\u011f\u0131zlar saral\u0131b solmu\u015f, \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 yaz\u0131lanlar oxunmaz hala d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. \u00dcz\u0259rim\u0259 \u00f6rtd\u00fcy\u00fcm yor\u011fana baxd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda d\u0259lik-de\u015fik sap-sar\u0131 bez par\u00e7as\u0131na b\u0259nz\u0259diyini v\u0259 toxundu\u011fumda y\u0131rt\u0131lma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Beynim o q\u0259d\u0259r dumanl\u0131, h\u0259r \u015fey o q\u0259d\u0259r yuxuyab\u0259nz\u0259r idi ki, bu hal\u0131m\u0131 bel\u0259 \u00e7ox rahatl\u0131qla q\u0259bullan\u0131r, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259rk\u0259n n\u0259s\u0259 q\u0259rib\u0259 v\u0259 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131c\u0131 hallar ke\u00e7irmirdim. El\u0259 bildirdim ki, h\u0259r \u015fey qaydas\u0131nda v\u0259 m\u0259n d\u0259 oldu\u011fum yerd\u0259y\u0259m. O q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f haldayd\u0131m ki, n\u0259 yerimd\u0259n t\u0259rp\u0259nm\u0259y\u0259, n\u0259 d\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 h\u0259v\u0259sim vard\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u00dcst\u0259lik, hiss edirdim ki, \u00e7ox ar\u0131qlam\u0131\u015fam; \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc \u00e7ox y\u00fcng\u00fcl hiss edir, s\u00fcm\u00fckl\u0259rimin d\u0259rim\u0259 nec\u0259 toxundu\u011funu duyurdum. Bu sa\u00e7-saqqal v\u0259 uzun, k\u00f6hn\u0259 pal-paltar i\u00e7ind\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc \u00e7ox rahat hiss edir, he\u00e7 bir yerimd\u0259 he\u00e7 bir a\u011fr\u0131 duymur, beynimin bu dumanl\u0131 hal\u0131nda bel\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyin daha ayd\u0131n oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131rd\u0131m…<\/p>\n

\u018ftraf el\u0259 s\u0259ssizlik, el\u0259 s\u00fckut i\u00e7ind\u0259 idi ki, sanasan he\u00e7 bu civarda he\u00e7 vaxt adam ya\u015famay\u0131b v\u0259 he\u00e7 bir ins-cins g\u0259lib burdan ke\u00e7m\u0259yib. Yava\u015f-yava\u015f qalx\u0131b qap\u0131ya yax\u0131nla\u015fanda i\u00e7imd\u0259n bir k\u00fcl\u0259yin \u0259slib ke\u00e7diyini duydum; el\u0259 bildim bu d\u0259qiq\u0259 ucsuz-bucaqs\u0131z bir alanda g\u00f6y\u0259 sovrulacam v\u0259 u\u00e7ub \u00e7ox uzaqlara d\u00fc\u015f\u0259c\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Qap\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131b ilk add\u0131m\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 qoyanda \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc sonsuz bir bo\u015fluqda hiss el\u0259dim. \u018ftraf toz-duman i\u00e7ind\u0259, aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131 nar\u0131n qum \u015f\u0259klind\u0259ydi. Yava\u015f-yava\u015f yeridikc\u0259 h\u0259r \u015fey biraz daha toz-dumana b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcr, ayaqlar\u0131m alt\u0131nda biraz daha nar\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131 duyurdum. K\u00fcl\u0259k yen\u0259 i\u00e7imd\u0259n ke\u00e7ib m\u0259ni arxada qoyur, m\u0259n d\u0259 \u00f6z ota\u011f\u0131m\u0131 arxada qoyub gedirdim. H\u0259r \u015fey art\u0131q o q\u0259d\u0259r uzaqda, o q\u0259d\u0259r toz-duman i\u00e7ind\u0259 idi ki, y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fckc\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn olub ke\u00e7\u0259nl\u0259ri daha az xat\u0131rlay\u0131r, daha az duyurdum.<\/p>\n

Onsuz da bug\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259rki h\u0259yat\u0131m bir bo\u015fluqdan, bir he\u00e7likd\u0259n olu\u015fmu\u015fdu v\u0259 xat\u0131rlayark\u0259n i\u00e7imi titr\u0259d\u0259c\u0259k bir \u015fey yox idi. \u00c7ox az-az \u015feyl\u0259r ola bil\u0259rdi ki, m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131mla, m\u0259nl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 n\u0259s\u0259 desin v\u0259 m\u0259ni do\u011frudan ifad\u0259 ed\u0259 bilsin. Oysa gerid\u0259 qalan ba\u015fqa t\u0259r\u0259fl\u0259rimin b\u00f6y\u00fck bir bo\u015fluqdan, b\u00f6y\u00fck bir t\u0259nhal\u0131qdan olu\u015fdu\u011funu duymaya bilmirdim.<\/p>\n

Son olaraq o qad\u0131ndan ba\u015fqa a\u011fl\u0131ma daha canl\u0131, daha ayd\u0131n bir varl\u0131q, bir hadis\u0259 g\u0259lmirdi. H\u0259r \u015fey v\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s b\u00f6y\u00fck bir yalandan ibar\u0259t idi v\u0259 m\u0259n bunu indi \u2013 bu toz-duman i\u00e7ind\u0259, bu boz-bulan\u0131q y\u00fcr\u00fc\u015fd\u0259 daha \u00e7ox duyurdum. H\u0259m d\u0259 anlay\u0131rd\u0131m ki, gerid\u0259 qalan h\u0259yat\u0131mda ist\u0259diyim, sevdiyim he\u00e7 n\u0259y\u0259 qovu\u015fmaq imkan\u0131m yoxdur. H\u0259r \u015feyi \u00e7oxdan \u0259l\u0259 ke\u00e7irmi\u015f, h\u0259r yeri \u00e7oxdan i\u015f\u011fal etmi\u015fdil\u0259r. M\u0259nims\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259yim v\u0259 he\u00e7 kimim qalmam\u0131\u015f, bel\u0259 bax\u0131ram, he\u00e7 olmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131 da. N\u0259 ail\u0259 o ail\u0259 idi, n\u0259 dostlar o dost, n\u0259 d\u0259 qad\u0131nlar, tan\u0131\u015flar-bili\u015fl\u0259r…<\/p>\n

N\u0259 des\u0259m d\u0259, he\u00e7 bir \u015feyin f\u0259rqli olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyub g\u0259lib h\u0259yat\u0131n bir k\u00fcnc\u00fcn\u0259 dir\u0259n\u0259rk\u0259n, bu s\u0259f\u0259r el\u0259 bir qap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yirs\u0259n ki, ordan biraz hava g\u0259lsin, n\u0259f\u0259s ala bil\u0259s\u0259n v\u0259 ya\u015famaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bir s\u0259b\u0259bin olmasa da, he\u00e7 olmasa g\u00f6zl\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259, \u0259ll\u0259 tutma\u011fa, \u0259n \u0259sas\u0131 \u00fcr\u0259kl\u0259 duyma\u011fa bir \u015fey olsun. Ancaq s\u0259nin ist\u0259diyin ancaq s\u0259nin ist\u0259yin olub qalark\u0259n s\u0259n d\u0259 ba\u015fqa bir insan olub ya\u015famaq zorunda qal\u0131r, zaman s\u0259nin \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 \u0259z\u0259r\u0259k ke\u00e7ir…<\/p>\n

Y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u0259-y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u0259 i\u00e7imd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n k\u00fcl\u0259kl\u0259rd\u0259 daha da rahatl\u0131q tap\u0131r, hara v\u0259 niy\u0259 getdiyimi bilm\u0259diyim bu yolda daha \u00e7ox inaml\u0131 olur, daha b\u00f6y\u00fck bir ya\u015fama can atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hiss edirdim. H\u0259r \u015fey m\u0259nim i\u00e7imd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n k\u00fcl\u0259kl\u0259rl\u0259 savrulur, h\u0259r add\u0131mda biraz daha t\u0259mizl\u0259nir, \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc arxada qalan toz-dumanla yuyur, i\u00e7imd\u0259 sonsuz bir rahatl\u0131q duyurdum.<\/p>\n

N\u0259 susuzluq duyur, n\u0259 acl\u0131q, \u00fcst\u0259lik, he\u00e7 i\u00e7m\u0259k d\u0259 ist\u0259mir, sad\u0259c\u0259 rahat oldu\u011fumu hiss edirdim. Dumanl\u0131 fikirl\u0259rim ar\u0131nd\u0131qca a\u011fl\u0131mda yaln\u0131z o qad\u0131n qal\u0131r, get-ged\u0259 daha da g\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr, bu toz-duman i\u00e7ind\u0259 canl\u0131 bir varl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7evrilm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131. Ancaq yen\u0259 ondan \u00e7ox uzaqda oldu\u011fumu duyur, bu haqda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259m\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r, bu hisl\u0259rin bel\u0259 yaxam\u0131 rahat buraxmas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yirdim. \u00c7\u00fcnki art\u0131q he\u00e7 n\u0259yin he\u00e7 bir \u00f6n\u0259mi qalmam\u0131\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn adamlar m\u0259nd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getmi\u015f, m\u0259n sonda onlardan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getmi\u015fdim\u2026<\/p>\n

Bird\u0259n aya\u011f\u0131m bir da\u015fa ili\u015fdi v\u0259 az qald\u0131m a\u011fz\u0131m \u00fcst\u0259 s\u0259ril\u0259m yer\u0259. S\u0259nd\u0259l\u0259yib \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc g\u00fccl\u0259 ayaqda tutark\u0259n bu da\u015f\u0131n yan\u0131nda ba\u015fqa da\u015flar\u0131n da varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sezib, bunun da\u015f d\u00f6\u015f\u0259nmi\u015f bir c\u0131\u011f\u0131r oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. B\u0259li, bu bir da\u015f c\u0131\u011f\u0131r idi v\u0259 harasa yax\u0131nl\u0131qdak\u0131 bir yer\u0259 gedib \u00e7\u0131x\u0131rd\u0131. Ayaqlar\u0131 \u0259zil\u0259-\u0259zil\u0259 bu da\u015flarla yerim\u0259y\u0259, bu c\u0131\u011f\u0131r\u0131n hara gedib \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.. Get-ged\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131da bir qaralt\u0131 sezdim, yax\u0131nla\u015fd\u0131qca g\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259 ayd\u0131nlanma\u011fa, bir daxmaya \u00e7evrilm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Qap\u0131s\u0131 a\u011fz\u0131nda c\u00fcrb\u0259cir buynuzlar, s\u0259b\u0259tl\u0259r, s\u00fcm\u00fckl\u0259r, \u0259\u015fyalar as\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bu daxman\u0131n sad\u0259 taxta qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 daha da yax\u0131nla\u015fm\u0131\u015f, i\u00e7\u0259rid\u0259n s\u0131zan z\u0259if i\u015f\u0131qda orda kimins\u0259 ola bil\u0259c\u0259yini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. Qap\u0131n\u0131 astaca a\u00e7\u0131b i\u00e7\u0259ri girdiyimd\u0259 daxman\u0131n ortas\u0131nda balaca bir ocaq yand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ama i\u00e7\u0259rid\u0259 he\u00e7 kimin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Q\u0131raqlar\u0131na da\u015flar d\u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f bu oca\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131nda oturmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn bir ne\u00e7\u0259 yek\u0259 da\u015f vard\u0131 v\u0259 biraz daha b\u00f6y\u00fck stol kimi g\u00f6z\u0259 \u00e7arpan da\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 saxs\u0131 qab v\u0259 yan\u0131nda iki q\u0259d\u0259h qoyulmu\u015fdu. Q\u0131raqdan baxanda el\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k olard\u0131 ki, kims\u0259 iki n\u0259f\u0259r sevgili b\u00fct\u00fcn c\u0259miyy\u0259td\u0259n qa\u00e7\u0131b bura s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131b v\u0259 i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259 azadca sevi\u015fibl\u0259r, sonra da i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259, sevi\u015f\u0259-sevi\u015f\u0259 yoxa \u00e7\u0131x\u0131blar…<\/p>\n

\u00dcr\u0259yim he\u00e7 bir \u015fey ist\u0259m\u0259s\u0259 d\u0259, bu m\u0259nz\u0259r\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 gedib oca\u011f\u0131n k\u0259nar\u0131nda oturmaq, o \u015f\u0259rabdan i\u00e7m\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Art\u0131q m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lirdi ki, b\u00fct\u00fcn h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 bu daxmada i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259 ke\u00e7ir\u0259 bil\u0259r, bir d\u0259 ba\u015fqa n\u0259s\u0259 arzusunda olmaya bil\u0259r\u0259m. \u00c7\u00fcnki bu m\u0259nim bug\u00fcn\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r can atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir h\u00fczur v\u0259 qa\u00e7\u0131\u015f idi ki, sonunda sava\u015faraq bunu qazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 duyurdum. Ancaq n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r olsa da, buran\u0131n da m\u0259nim olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, \u00f6z \u0259ll\u0259rim v\u0259 z\u0259hm\u0259timl\u0259 tikib yaratmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, ba\u015fqas\u0131n\u0131n oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131r, \u00e7\u0131xmaq, yoluma davam el\u0259m\u0259k ist\u0259yirdim. Nec\u0259 olsa, m\u0259n d\u0259 sonunda \u00f6z ist\u0259diyim\u0259, \u00f6z ist\u0259diyim rahatl\u0131\u011fa g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131, ya da el\u0259 bel\u0259 yollarda y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u0259-y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u0259 \u00f6l\u00fcb ged\u0259c\u0259yimi duyurdum. \u0130nsan \u00f6mr\u00fc o q\u0259d\u0259r uzun v\u0259 maraql\u0131 deyil ki, ondan sonsuz v\u0259 qal\u0131c\u0131 bir \u015fey d\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259y\u0259s\u0259n. H\u0259r \u015fey sad\u0259c\u0259 t\u0259krarlan\u0131r v\u0259 bir-birinin i\u00e7ind\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r ki, bu da milyonlarla insan\u0131n b\u0259z\u0259n bir insan \u00f6mr\u00fc d\u00fcz\u0259ltm\u0259k c\u0259hdind\u0259n ba\u015fqa bir \u015fey deyil…<\/p>\n

Ancaq yen\u0259 burdan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getmir, el\u0259 bil n\u0259s\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259yir, dayan\u0131b-durmaq ist\u0259yirdim. Bayaqk\u0131 pessimist d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rimi biraz \u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n aralay\u0131b yenid\u0259n i\u00e7\u0259ri diqq\u0259tl\u0259 baxma\u011fa, \u015f\u0259rab qab\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb q\u0259d\u0259hl\u0259r\u0259 s\u00fczm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Baxd\u0131qca g\u00f6zl\u0259rim b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr, onlar da g\u00f6zl\u0259rimd\u0259 \u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcb m\u0259ni buralardan tamam uzaqla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131r, yenid\u0259n toz-duman i\u00e7in\u0259 sal\u0131rd\u0131lar. Ancaq qap\u0131n\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131 h\u0259r \u015feyi yen\u0259 \u00f6z yerin\u0259, m\u0259ni d\u0259 \u00f6z yerim\u0259 qoydu, ist\u0259r-ist\u0259m\u0259z d\u00f6n\u00fcb qap\u0131ya baxd\u0131m. V\u0259 quca\u011f\u0131nda odun tutan o qad\u0131n\u0131 qap\u0131da g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. H\u0259r \u015fey sanki g\u00f6zl\u0259nildiyi kimi ba\u015f vermi\u015fdi v\u0259 biz bir-birimiz\u0259 bax\u0131b g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yir, bu sonsuz bo\u015flu\u011fu oldu\u011fu kimi duyurduq. O m\u0259nim birinci dan\u0131\u015fmayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilib he\u00e7 t\u0259r\u0259dd\u00fcd etm\u0259d\u0259n dedi:<\/p>\n

– Bilirdim g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n v\u0259 bu sonsuza q\u0259d\u0259r davam etm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k. S\u0259nd\u0259n sonra h\u0259r \u015fey \u00e7ox d\u0259yi\u015fdi. M\u0259h\u0259ll\u0259mizi s\u00f6kd\u00fcl\u0259r v\u0259 bizl\u0259r p\u0259r\u0259n-p\u0259r\u0259n d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fck. Atas\u0131 u\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb \u00f6z rayonlar\u0131na getdi v\u0259 m\u0259n d\u0259 bura g\u0259lib \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 bir daxma tikib ya\u015fama\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131m. D\u00fczd\u00fc, s\u0259ni bel\u0259 qoyub getm\u0259k ist\u0259m\u0259dim, ama…<\/p>\n

– M\u0259n n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r olar ki, getmi\u015f\u0259m? – he\u00e7 n\u0259 bilmirmi\u015f kimi soru\u015fdum.<\/p>\n

– \u00c7ox deyil. H\u0259r \u015fey bir anda oldu, h\u0259r \u015fey bird\u0259n d\u0259yi\u015fdi v\u0259 biz g\u0259lib bura \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131q…<\/p>\n

– B\u0259s bu hal\u0131mla m\u0259ni nec\u0259 tan\u0131d\u0131n? – yen\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 bilmirmi\u015f kimi soru\u015fdum.<\/p>\n

– Bura s\u0259nd\u0259n ba\u015fqa he\u00e7 kim g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xa bilm\u0259zdi, \u00e7\u00fcnki bura yol ancaq s\u0259nin ota\u011f\u0131n\u0131n qap\u0131s\u0131ndan ba\u015flay\u0131rd\u0131 v\u0259 orda s\u0259nd\u0259n ba\u015fqa he\u00e7 kim ya\u015fam\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

N\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yimi bilm\u0259d\u0259n \u00f6z evimd\u0259ymi\u015f kimi oca\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131ndak\u0131 da\u015flardan birinin \u00fcst\u00fcn\u0259 oturdum v\u0259 \u015f\u0259rab qab\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 \u015f\u0259rab s\u00fczd\u00fcm v\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0259kdim. Bir m\u00fcdd\u0259t s\u0259ssizlik oldu v\u0259 o qad\u0131n g\u0259tirdiyi odunlardan bir-ikisini oca\u011fa at\u0131b, qalan\u0131n\u0131 da oca\u011f\u0131n yan\u0131na qoydu, m\u0259niml\u0259 \u00fczb\u0259\u00fcz da\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 oturub d\u00fcz m\u0259n\u0259 baxma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131. \u015e\u0259rab \u0259la dad\u0131rd\u0131, sanasan 30 ild\u0259n qalma basd\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u015f\u0259rab idi. N\u00f6vb\u0259ti q\u0259d\u0259hi s\u00fcz\u0259nd\u0259 qad\u0131n ona da s\u00fczm\u0259yimi ist\u0259di. \u0130kimiz d\u0259 eyni vaxtda q\u0259d\u0259hl\u0259ri qald\u0131r\u0131b i\u00e7m\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131q v\u0259 qad\u0131n q\u0259d\u0259hi ba\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0259kib daha rahatl\u0131qla g\u00f6zl\u0259rim\u0259 baxma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu ala-qaranl\u0131q daxmada h\u0259r \u015feyi ayd\u0131n g\u00f6rm\u0259k olmasa da, insan g\u00f6zl\u0259rini ayd\u0131n g\u00f6rm\u0259k olurdu. Oca\u011f\u0131n i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan par\u0131ldayan g\u00f6l\u0259rimiz bizi \u00e7ox yax\u015f\u0131 “\u0259l\u0259 verir”, bir-birimiz\u0259 g\u00f6st\u0259rirdi. O he\u00e7 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259mi\u015fdi v\u0259 eyn\u0259n h\u0259min boy-buxunda, h\u0259min g\u00f6z\u0259llikd\u0259 idi. Sad\u0259c\u0259 sa\u00e7lar\u0131 biraz daha uzanm\u0131\u015f v\u0259 daranmamaqdan azca da\u011f\u0131n\u0131q hala g\u0259lmi\u015f, pal-paltar\u0131 k\u00f6hn\u0259lib saralm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Qalan h\u0259r \u015fey \u0259skisi kimi idi v\u0259 m\u0259n onu g\u00f6r\u0259n kimi tan\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Bu iki u\u015faq anas\u0131 evli qad\u0131nla \u0259vv\u0259l iki d\u0259f\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131q, h\u0259r ikisi ba\u015fqa-ba\u015fqa f\u0259sill\u0259rd\u0259 olmu\u015f, s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz al\u0131nmam\u0131\u015f, az qala m\u0259ni ac\u0131lay\u0131b getmi\u015fdi. M\u0259n d\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 dey\u0259 bilm\u0259mi\u015f, ev\u0259 qay\u0131d\u0131b i\u00e7mi\u015f, he\u00e7 vaxt he\u00e7 n\u0259yin yax\u015f\u0131 olmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f, \u00fcmidsizlik i\u00e7ind\u0259 y\u0131x\u0131l\u0131b yatm\u0131\u015f, h\u0259r \u015feyi unutma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m…<\/p>\n

\u0130ndis\u0259 h\u0259r \u015fey tamam ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr; he\u00e7 ummad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir hal alm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 v\u0259 m\u0259ni d\u00fcz g\u0259trib ona \u00e7\u0131xarm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Ondan bu q\u0259d\u0259r qa\u00e7ma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fark\u0259n bu q\u0259d\u0259r ona g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259diyim halda, bu olmu\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn fikirl\u0259rimi daha da qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, i\u00e7imd\u0259n ke\u00e7\u0259n biraz \u00f6nc\u0259ki k\u00fcl\u0259kl\u0259rin rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerini onun yan\u0131ndak\u0131 rahatl\u0131\u011fa vermi\u015fdi. \u0130ndi burda \u2013 onun yan\u0131nda – \u00fczb\u0259\u00fcz oturub i\u00e7\u0259rk\u0259n ba\u015fqa n\u0259 etm\u0259li oldu\u011fumu bilmir, s\u00f6hb\u0259t bel\u0259 etm\u0259d\u0259n oturub qalmaq, bu sonsuz h\u00fczuru pozmaq ist\u0259mirdim. Ama h\u0259r \u015feyin bir yer\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r oldu\u011funu bilir, bu hallar\u0131n da bir sonu olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hiss edirdim.<\/p>\n

Bir yandan da \u015f\u0259rab beynimi dumanland\u0131r\u0131r, kefimi daha da a\u00e7\u0131r, \u00fcz\u00fcmd\u0259 i\u00e7imd\u0259n yay\u0131lan istilikl\u0259 bir t\u0259b\u0259ss\u00fcm oyan\u0131r, eyn\u0259n onda da el\u0259 oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Yava\u015f-yava\u015f onunla eynil\u0259\u015fdiyimi hiss edir, ona daha yax\u0131n oldu\u011fumu, indiki m\u0259qamda onunla var oldu\u011fumu duyurdum. H\u0259r q\u0259d\u0259hd\u0259 biraz daha yax\u0131nla\u015f\u0131r, biraz daha i\u00e7d\u0259n bir-birimiz\u0259 can atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 duyur, art\u0131q yerimizd\u0259 oturub-qala bilm\u0259diyimizi hiss edirdik.<\/p>\n

Bird\u0259n o, he\u00e7 t\u0259r\u0259dd\u00fcd etm\u0259d\u0259n biraz daha yax\u0131na g\u0259ldi v\u0259 o g\u00f6z\u0259lim dodaqlar\u0131n\u0131 dodaqlar\u0131ma yap\u0131\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b d\u0259li kimi \u00f6pm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131. M\u0259n d\u0259 art\u0131q m\u0259st olmu\u015f halda ona qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131q vermi\u015f, \u00f6p\u00fc\u015f\u0259-\u00f6p\u00fc\u015f\u0259 sar\u0131lma\u011fa, qaynay\u0131b qar\u0131\u015fma\u011fa ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131q. Saniy\u0259b\u0259saniy\u0259, d\u0259qiq\u0259b\u0259diq\u0259 bir-birimiz\u0259 daha da sar\u0131l\u0131r, daha da bir-birimizd\u0259 \u0259riyir, \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rd\u0259n daha da m\u0259st olub \u00e7\u0131l\u011f\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fcr, dayan\u0131b-dura bilmir, \u0259ll\u0259rimiz bir-birimizin b\u0259d\u0259nind\u0259 g\u0259zirdi. Biz art\u0131q ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr olmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilib b\u00fct\u00fcnl\u00fckl\u0259 ar\u0131nma\u011fa, d\u0259lic\u0259 sevi\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131q.<\/p>\n

He\u00e7 bitm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k bu \u00f6p\u00fc\u015fl\u0259r bir anda b\u00fct\u00fcn \u0259ll\u0259rimizi i\u015f\u0259 salm\u0131\u015f v\u0259 bir-birimizi \u00e7oxdan \u00e7\u0131lpaq etmi\u015f, yerd\u0259 q\u0131vr\u0131la-q\u0131vr\u0131la sevi\u015fm\u0259y\u0259 g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fc. Art\u0131q b\u00fct\u00fcn yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f bizim ikimizd\u0259 c\u0259ml\u0259nmi\u015fdi v\u0259 bunu bitirm\u0259k d\u0259, davam el\u0259m\u0259k d\u0259 bizim \u00f6z \u0259limizd\u0259 idi\u2026<\/p>\n

He\u00e7 n\u0259yin bitm\u0259sini ist\u0259m\u0259diyimiz h\u0259min gec\u0259 o daxmada saatlarca i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259 bir yerd\u0259 olmu\u015f v\u0259 sonunda h\u0259r ikimiz s\u00fcst halda yer\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb qalm\u0131\u015f, yen\u0259 bu d\u00fcnyadan ayr\u0131l\u0131b, h\u0259r \u015feyi unutmu\u015fduq…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

IV<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Real h\u0259yatla ba\u011flar\u0131m \u00e7oxdan qopma\u011fa ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Son vaxrtlar harda, nec\u0259 oldu\u011fumu da bilmir, ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131m, ama ya\u015fay\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi hiss el\u0259mirdim. 4-5 il qabaq ba\u015flayan bu h\u0259yatdanqopma hallar\u0131 o qad\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259n sonra daha da s\u00fcr\u0259tl\u0259nmi\u015f, el\u0259 bil ruhumun t\u0259bii ehtiyac\u0131na \u00e7evrilmi\u015fdi. Bir yandan da b\u0259lirsiz can a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131 m\u0259ni daha bet\u0259r bir hala g\u0259tirib \u00e7\u0131xarm\u0131\u015fd\u0131.<\/p>\n

O qad\u0131n\u0131 o g\u00fcnd\u0259n sonra bir d\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259dim, y\u0259ni \u0259n az\u0131 bu s\u0259tirl\u0259ri yazana kimi g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. \u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 onunla qar\u015f\u0131la\u015fan g\u00fcnl\u0259rd\u0259 oldu\u011fu kimi havalar\u0131n bu isti vaxt\u0131nda onu g\u00f6r\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yim he\u00e7 a\u011fl\u0131ma da g\u0259lmirdi. Ama h\u0259rd\u0259n evl\u0259rinin yan\u0131ndan ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259 \u015earman\u0131 evl\u0259rinin yan\u0131nda oynayan g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m, bu da m\u0259ni onun h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 burda oldu\u011funa inand\u0131r\u0131r. \u015earman ya t\u0259k, ya da ba\u015fqa u\u015faqlarla oynay\u0131r, ancaq m\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 n\u0259s\u0259 soyuq davran\u0131r, yan\u0131ma \u00e7a\u011f\u0131randa da qa\u00e7\u0131b u\u015faqla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Bilmir\u0259m n\u0259d\u0259n bel\u0259 olub; anas\u0131m\u0131 n\u0259s\u0259 deyib, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc qa\u00e7\u0131r, bilmir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Zat\u0259n bu d\u00fcnyada b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u0259rd\u0259n \u00e7ox u\u015faqlar\u0131n m\u0259nd\u0259n qa\u00e7mas\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 pis t\u0259sir edib. Ama n\u0259 ed\u0259s\u0259n, b\u0259z\u0259n sad\u0259c\u0259 olmur.<\/p>\n

Bug\u00fcn evd\u0259 sakit v\u0259 t\u0259k oldu\u011fumdan, \u00fcst\u0259lik hava s\u0259rin ke\u00e7diyind\u0259n n\u0259l\u0259rs\u0259 yazmaq ist\u0259yim oyand\u0131. Yaz\u0131dan bel\u0259 soyudu\u011fum bu isti yaz g\u00fcnl\u0259rind\u0259 \u0259vv\u0259lki hal\u0131mdan \u00e7ox uzaqla\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bayaq metrodan ev\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 daha ayd\u0131n hiss el\u0259yirdim. H\u0259l\u0259 onlar\u0131n evl\u0259rinin yan\u0131ndan ke\u00e7\u0259nd\u0259 \u00f6z hissl\u0259rimi he\u00e7 tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f, real h\u0259yatla ba\u011flar\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7oxdan qopma\u011fa ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, harda, nec\u0259 v\u0259 niy\u0259 oldu\u011fumu bilm\u0259mi\u015fdim.<\/p>\n

Onu bel\u0259 ne\u00e7\u0259 vaxtd\u0131 unutdu\u011fumu g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 biraz daha utand\u0131m. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb tez ev\u0259 qa\u00e7maq, bir \u015feyl\u0259r i\u00e7m\u0259k ist\u0259dim. Bu m\u00fcdd\u0259td\u0259 onu g\u00f6rm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn he\u00e7 bir x\u00fcsusi \u00e7abalar\u0131m\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayanda lap utand\u0131m v\u0259 anlad\u0131m ki, he\u00e7 vaxt olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kimi bir imkans\u0131zl\u0131q, bir yoxluqla u\u011fra\u015f\u0131ram…<\/p>\n

He\u00e7 n\u0259yin qaydas\u0131nda olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 h\u0259r \u015feyi unutdu\u011fumda anlad\u0131m. Dostlar\u0131n yard\u0131m\u0131 olmasa, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu c\u00fczi maa\u015fla bu dar gec\u0259qondu kiray\u0259sind\u0259 bel\u0259 ya\u015faya bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259yimi anlay\u0131r, k\u0259nd\u0259 geri qay\u0131tma\u011f\u0131n da bu \u015f\u0259rtl\u0259r alt\u0131nda zor oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcr, h\u0259r gec\u0259 i\u00e7ir, he\u00e7 olmasa bu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 q\u00fcrurumu dindirm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Niy\u0259 ke\u00e7mi\u015f zamanda “\u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m” deyir\u0259m? Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 ki, h\u0259yat ya\u015fand\u0131\u011f\u0131 ana q\u0259d\u0259r ke\u00e7mi\u015fdi v\u0259 siz bu s\u0259tirl\u0259ri oxuyark\u0259n d\u0259qiq ke\u00e7mi\u015f zamanda olacaqd\u0131r. V\u0259 bizi ke\u00e7mi\u015f q\u0259d\u0259r indiki hala salan he\u00e7 n\u0259 yoxdu.<\/p>\n

Ke\u00e7mi\u015f demi\u015fk\u0259n, \u0259slind\u0259 onunla ke\u00e7irdiyim son gec\u0259d\u0259n sonra h\u0259r \u015feyin \u00e7ox ke\u00e7mi\u015fd\u0259, qald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, h\u0259tta he\u00e7 ya\u015fanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm. H\u0259r\u00e7\u0259nd b\u00fct\u00fcn h\u0259yat\u0131n bir yuxu oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131r, \u0259n ger\u00e7\u0259k ya\u015fant\u0131lar\u0131n da burdan uzaqda oldu\u011funu duyuram.<\/p>\n

O gec\u0259 s\u0259h\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131landa h\u0259r \u015fey yen\u0259 toz-duman i\u00e7ind\u0259 qalm\u0131\u015f, m\u0259n d\u0259 \u015f\u0259rab\u0131n v\u0259 sevi\u015fm\u0259nin t\u0259siriyl\u0259 yuxudan beyni dumanl\u0131 oyanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

Bu arada qon\u015fular\u0131n indic\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 \u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcy\u00fc bir m\u00fc\u015fahid\u0259ni yaz\u0131m, sonra s\u00f6hb\u0259timiz\u0259 davam ed\u0259k. Yazd\u0131r, p\u0259nc\u0259rl\u0259rin a\u00e7\u0131q,s\u0259sl\u0259rin daha ayd\u0131n g\u0259ldiyi bir vaxtd\u0131r. Dem\u0259k, bir qon\u015fu k\u00f6rp\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 ke\u00e7ici olaraq qoyub harasa getm\u0259k ist\u0259y\u0259rk\u0259n bizim qon\u015fular, x\u00fcsus\u0259n g\u0259nc q\u0131zlar aras\u0131nda o u\u015fa\u011f\u0131 saxlamaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ad\u0259t\u0259n dava gedir. Sanasan ham\u0131 safl\u0131q ac\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

M\u0259nc\u0259, \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r insanlar, x\u00fcsus\u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fckl\u0259r v\u0259 yad insanlar bu q\u0259d\u0259r u\u015faq sevm\u0259zdil\u0259r. \u00d6zl\u0259rind\u0259ki t\u0259mizliy\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259, bir n\u00f6v \u00f6zl\u0259ri d\u0259 u\u015faq oldu\u011fundan u\u015faqlara bu q\u0259d\u0259r sevgi g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259y\u0259 ehtiyac duymazd\u0131lar. Onda u\u015faqlar da \u00e7ox idi. D\u00fczd\u00fcr, amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 deyim: s\u0259h\u0259r bizim dal\u0131m\u0131zdan bir t\u0259pik vurub h\u0259y\u0259t\u0259 qovar, bir d\u0259 ax\u015fam\u00e7a\u011f\u0131, sizin dild\u0259: \u015f\u0259r qar\u0131\u015fanda, lap d\u0259qiqi: hava qaralanda axtar\u0131b hans\u0131sa d\u0259r\u0259d\u0259n, hans\u0131sa kolun dibind\u0259n tap\u0131b g\u0259tir\u0259rdil\u0259r. Bu da ke\u00e7mi\u015fl\u0259 ba\u011fl\u0131 idi dey\u0259 xat\u0131rlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

S\u0259h\u0259r yuxudan oyand\u0131m v\u0259 ora q\u0259d\u0259r o uzun yolu hans\u0131 halda getmi\u015fdims\u0259, el\u0259 d\u0259 qay\u0131td\u0131m. G\u0259lib ev\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda yen\u0259 o \u0259ski yata\u011f\u0131mda d\u0259rin bir yuxu \u00e7\u0259kib, bu s\u0131radan h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 ya\u015fama\u011fa davam el\u0259dim.<\/p>\n

Ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr ya\u015famaq m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmayanda insan \u0259n \u00e7\u0259tin ya\u015fant\u0131lardan bel\u0259 z\u00f6vq alma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnki z\u00f6vqs\u00fcz ya\u015famaq insan\u0131n \u0259lind\u0259n n\u0259inki g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yini, h\u0259tta ke\u00e7mi\u015fini d\u0259 al\u0131r.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n o qad\u0131n\u0131 el\u0259c\u0259 orda burax\u0131b g\u0259lmi\u015fdim, d\u00fczd\u00fc, ama o anda, y\u0259ni o ke\u00e7mi\u015fd\u0259 \u0259n do\u011fru olan\u0131n bu oldu\u011funu anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. V\u0259 onun da s\u0259h\u0259r m\u0259nim \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getm\u0259yimi arzulad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duymu\u015fdum. “He\u00e7 n\u0259 \u0259b\u0259di deyil, insan bel\u0259”, – \u00f6z s\u00f6zl\u0259rimi m\u0259n\u0259 demi\u015f, h\u0259r \u015feyin yenid\u0259n daha g\u00f6z\u0259l ba\u015flamas\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn el\u0259 bil getm\u0259yimi ist\u0259mi\u015fdi.<\/p>\n

Bu aylar \u0259rzind\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar haqq\u0131nda he\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259mi\u015f, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k bel\u0259 ist\u0259m\u0259mi\u015fdim. Sanasan bu m\u00fcdd\u0259td\u0259, \u00fcmumiyy\u0259tl\u0259, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcb, ya d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259diyimi d\u0259 bilmir\u0259m, sad\u0259c\u0259 indi ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilir\u0259m. V\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fckc\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyin ke\u00e7mi\u015fd\u0259, \u00e7ox uzaqda qald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlay\u0131ram. Ki, he\u00e7 n\u0259, h\u0259tta bu aylar boyu \u00f6z ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bel\u0259 inand\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 g\u0259lmir. O q\u0259d\u0259r ger\u00e7\u0259k iblisl\u0259rl\u0259 \u0259hat\u0259li bir d\u00fcnyada ya\u015fay\u0131r\u0131q, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn bel\u0259 ger\u00e7\u0259yin\u0259 inanma\u011f\u0131m g\u0259lmir. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u00f6l\u00fcm bizim b\u00fct\u00fcn ger\u00e7\u0259kl\u0259rimizin ke\u00e7mi\u015fd\u0259 qalmas\u0131d\u0131r…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Epiloq<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

M\u0259nim h\u0259yat\u0131m bu d\u00f6rd divardan ibar\u0259tdi \u0259slind\u0259. S\u0131x\u0131l\u0131b qalm\u0131\u015fam bu bu balaca yerd\u0259. \u0130ndiy\u0259 kimi g\u00f6rd\u00fckl\u0259rim, \u00f6z\u00fcml\u0259 g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fckl\u0259rim, \u00f6yr\u0259ndikl\u0259rim v\u0259 bildikl\u0259rim, h\u0259tta \u00fcmidl\u0259rim v\u0259 x\u0259yallar\u0131m burda g\u00f6m\u00fcl\u00fcb sanki. N\u0259 risk el\u0259yib ba\u015fqa h\u0259yat \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn burdan \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xa bilir, n\u0259 d\u0259 bu dar alanda ya\u015faya bilir\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Qorxular\u0131m, kompleks\u0259l\u0259rim o q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7oxal\u0131b ki, san\u0131ram, risk el\u0259yib \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xsam, daha tez \u00f6l\u0259c\u0259m, ya da he\u00e7 n\u0259 \u0259ld\u0259 ed\u0259 bilm\u0259d\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131 daha da \u00e7\u0259tinl\u0259\u015fdirib sonunda intihar h\u0259ddin\u0259 g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xacam.<\/p>\n

M\u0259cburiyy\u0259td\u0259n \u00e7\u00f6l\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131m saatlar\u0131 v\u0259 d\u0259qiq\u0259l\u0259ri he\u00e7 sevmir\u0259m. H\u0259r yer, h\u0259r \u015fey v\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s m\u0259n\u0259 o q\u0259d\u0259r \u0259zab verir ki, geri qay\u0131td\u0131\u011f\u0131m anlar\u0131n tamam\u0131n\u0131 \u0259s\u0259b g\u0259rginliyiyl\u0259 ke\u00e7irir\u0259m. \u0130\u00e7dikc\u0259 beynimin tamam\u0131n\u0131 bo\u015faltma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r, sevi\u015fdikc\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyi unutmaq haqq\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m. Ama yen\u0259 o anlara qay\u0131td\u0131qca h\u0259r \u015feyin get-ged\u0259 daha pis\u0259 getdiyini hiss edir, di\u015fimi zorla s\u0131x\u0131b durur, qar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131xan bu qad\u0131n\u0131n sevgisinin m\u0259ni xilas ed\u0259c\u0259yini x\u0259yal edir, h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 var oldu\u011fumu g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Art\u0131q i\u015fl\u0259diyim yerd\u0259 d\u0259 h\u0259r \u015feyin daha b\u0259rbad hala g\u0259lm\u0259si, he\u00e7 bir \u00fcmid yerimin qalmamas\u0131 m\u0259ni bu qaranl\u0131q ota\u011fa daha \u00e7ox qapad\u0131r, \u0259s\u0259bl\u0259rimi daha \u00e7ox g\u0259rginl\u0259\u015fdirir.<\/p>\n

H\u0259yatda insan\u0131n d\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcy\u00fc \u0259n zor durum \u0259zab \u00e7\u0259kdiyin bir yerd\u0259n ba\u015fqa s\u0131\u011f\u0131naca\u011f\u0131n olmamas\u0131d\u0131r. H\u0259r \u015fey orda daha zor oldu\u011fu halda, ba\u015fqa yerd\u0259 ola bilm\u0259m\u0259k, ora m\u00f6htac olmaqd\u0131r.<\/p>\n

M\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lir ki, bu \u015f\u0259h\u0259r g\u0259nclik q\u0259biristan\u0131d\u0131r. Burda sad\u0259c\u0259 qoca t\u0259f\u0259kk\u00fcrl\u00fc g\u0259ncl\u0259r daha yax\u015f\u0131 yerl\u0259rd\u0259 v\u0259 daha yax\u015f\u0131 g\u00fcnd\u0259dirl\u0259r. S\u0131radan bir insan ola bilm\u0259m\u0259kdir m\u0259n\u0259vi \u00f6l\u00fcm\u0259 t\u0259rk edilm\u0259k. El\u0259 bir insan c\u0259miyy\u0259ti ki, he\u00e7 bir insana g\u00fcv\u0259n yox, n\u0259 s\u0259n s\u0259mimi q\u0259lbd\u0259n kimins\u0259 yan\u0131ndasan, n\u0259 d\u0259 kims\u0259 s\u0259nin yan\u0131nda. M\u0259n\u0259vi intihar\u0131n \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck etiraza \u00e7evrildiyi bir zaman v\u0259 bir m\u0259kan… Var olma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131\u011f\u0131n, ama var ola bilm\u0259diyin bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f t\u0259kn\u0259si.<\/p>\n

Dini yalan, siyas\u0259ti ondan yalan, elmi saxta, t\u0259hsili yox, s\u0259hiyy\u0259si adam \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u0259n, polisi adam qorxudan n\u0259sn\u0259l\u0259rin yaratd\u0131\u011f\u0131 qocaman bir anormal g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc. H\u0259r k\u0259sin haqq\u0131 yerd\u0259 qalan haqs\u0131zl\u0131q diyar\u0131. V\u0259 qocaman bir d\u00f6rd divar, b\u00f6y\u00fck bir h\u0259bsxana, qocalma\u011fa da yer yox. V\u0259 \u0259s\u0259b g\u0259rginliyinin g\u0259tirdiyi qocaman fiziki a\u011fr\u0131lar… v\u0259… v\u0259… v\u0259…<\/p>\n

O qad\u0131nla da nec\u0259 davranaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131, n\u0259 ed\u0259c\u0259yimi bilmir\u0259m. Bu balaca gec\u0259qondularda h\u0259r \u015fey daha h\u00fcz\u00fcrl\u00fc, h\u0259r \u015fey daha k\u0259d\u0259rlidir. \u0130nsan h\u0259yat\u0131 sad\u0259c\u0259 d\u0259mir v\u0259 da\u015f sexl\u0259rd\u0259 a\u011f\u0131r \u0259m\u0259kd\u0259n ibar\u0259tdir. Gerisi sad\u0259c\u0259 yor\u011funluq v\u0259 yuxudur. \u00d6z\u00fc d\u0259 narahat yuxu. M\u0259nims\u0259 sad\u0259c\u0259 ger\u00e7\u0259kd\u0259n var oldu\u011fumu hiss etdiyim bu d\u00f6rd divar\u0131m var; he\u00e7 k\u0259sin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, sad\u0259c\u0259 m\u0259nim oldu\u011fum. M\u0259nim v\u0259 a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n var oldu\u011fu. Zaman\u0131 umursamadan h\u0259yata qar\u015f\u0131 beyin trans\u0131. Beynimi dondurub, hissl\u0259rimi \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u0259r\u0259k ya\u015famaq sava\u015f\u0131…<\/p>\n

O qad\u0131n son g\u0259ldiyind\u0259 tamam\u0259n s\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f haldayd\u0131m. Saatlarca ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 durmu\u015f, baxm\u0131\u015f m\u0259n\u0259; arada ay\u0131lan kimi olanda bir ne\u00e7\u0259 d\u0259f\u0259 sevi\u015fmi\u015f, yem\u0259y\u0259 n\u0259l\u0259rs\u0259 haz\u0131rlay\u0131b qoymu\u015f, evi t\u0259mizl\u0259yib getmi\u015fdi. Tamam ay\u0131landa is\u0259 yen\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc t\u0259k g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f, h\u0259r d\u0131r-b\u0259c\u0259sini \u0259zb\u0259r bildiyim bu d\u00f6rd divardan ba\u015fqa he\u00e7 n\u0259 g\u00f6rm\u0259mi\u015fdim.<\/p>\n

H\u0259tta bir anl\u0131q onu sevib-sevm\u0259diyimi d\u0259 bil\u0259 bilm\u0259mi\u015f, n\u0259yin nec\u0259 olaca\u011f\u0131 da beynimd\u0259 \u00f6l\u0259zim\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f, sonra yava\u015f-yava\u015f s\u00f6n\u00fcb getmi\u015fdi.<\/p>\n

\u00c7ar\u0259sizliyin \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fc t\u0259kc\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00e7ar\u0259siz olman deyil, h\u0259m d\u0259 he\u00e7 k\u0259s \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn he\u00e7 n\u0259 ed\u0259 bilm\u0259m\u0259kdir. H\u0259m d\u0259 \u0259n \u00e7ox he\u00e7 k\u0259s \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn he\u00e7 bir \u00e7ar\u0259 ola bilm\u0259diyim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 \u00e7ar\u0259siz hala d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. \u018fn k\u0259d\u0259rlisi s\u0259ssizc\u0259 masan\u0131n \u00fcz\u0259rin\u0259 burax\u0131lm\u0131\u015f be\u015f-on manata baxa-baxa h\u0259r \u015feyin daha a\u011f\u0131r oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259kdir. H\u0259yat\u0131na kim g\u0259lir, kim gedir, ondan bel\u0259 x\u0259b\u0259rsiz olmaqd\u0131r h\u0259yatla ba\u011flar\u0131n\u0131n qopma\u011fa ba\u015flamas\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu iki u\u015faq anas\u0131 qad\u0131n h\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131n \u0259n g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259z yan\u0131yd\u0131. N\u0259 m\u0259n onu kim\u0259s\u0259 bildirirdim, n\u0259 o kimins\u0259 bilm\u0259sini ist\u0259yirdi. Bizi sad\u0259c\u0259 dumanl\u0131 \u015feyl\u0259r birl\u0259\u015fdirir, h\u0259r \u015feyi bu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 edirdik.<\/p>\n

H\u0259rd\u0259n tam ay\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m vaxtlar onun he\u00e7 vaxt g\u0259lib-getm\u0259diyini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr, bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259r aras\u0131nda h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259ki kimi t\u0259k oldu\u011fumu anlay\u0131r, n\u0259 var, n\u0259 yox, f\u0259rqin\u0259 varmadan ya\u015fay\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Yediyim-i\u00e7diyim d\u0259 bir \u015fey deyildi. G\u00fcn \u0259rzind\u0259 i\u00e7ind\u0259 n\u0259 do\u011fru-d\u00fczg\u00fcn yey\u0259 bilir, n\u0259 yem\u0259y\u0259 i\u015ftah olurdu. H\u0259rd\u0259n sad\u0259c\u0259 b\u0259zi tan\u0131\u015flar\u0131n m\u0259clisind\u0259 olanda i\u015ftah\u0131m a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131r, yem\u0259k ehtiyac\u0131m\u0131n oldu\u011funu hiss edirdim.<\/p>\n

Yuxudan durub komp\u00fcterin arxas\u0131na ke\u00e7ir, bir film se\u00e7ir, saatlarla bax\u0131r, p\u0259rd\u0259l\u0259rini \u00e7\u0259kdiyim otaqda g\u00fcn hardan \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b, harda bat\u0131b bilmirdim. Sad\u0259c\u0259 h\u0259rd\u0259n tam ay\u0131landa o qad\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr, h\u0259yatla t\u0259k ba\u011f\u0131m\u0131n o oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131r, yen\u0259 sakitc\u0259 g\u0259lm\u0259sini g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdim. \u00c7\u00fcnki t\u0259kc\u0259 onun toxunu\u015flar\u0131 m\u0259ni h\u0259yata d\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcr, bu divarlar aras\u0131nda h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hiss el\u0259tdirirdi. Biz art\u0131q insan\u0131 v\u0259 onun sevgisini d\u0259 d\u00f6rd divar aras\u0131na qovub, qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 ba\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131q…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u018fs\u0259d Qaraqaplan<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Yaz\u0131ya 522 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

D\u00f6rd F\u0259sil T\u0259nhal\u0131qda   Proloq   Evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m, hara getdiyimi bilm\u0259d\u0259n y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u0259y\u0259 ba\u015flad\u0131m. Hava isti, h\u0259yatla aram\u0131n soyuq oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnl\u0259rd\u0259n biri. Haval\u0131-haval\u0131 dayanaca\u011fa \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda yeni ba\u015flayan \u0259sas yolda sanasan b\u00fct\u00fcn yollar\u0131m bitmi\u015f kimiydi. Mar\u015frut g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131rd\u0131 ki, he\u00e7 olmasa, metroya q\u0259d\u0259r gedim; ordan oyanas\u0131n\u0131 sonra d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcm. Bu 15-20 d\u0259qiq\u0259lik yolu piyada getm\u0259y\u0259 h\u0259v\u0259s d\u0259 qalmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12267,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12266"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12269,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12266\/revisions\/12269"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/12267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}