{"id":7682,"date":"2015-01-15T23:17:21","date_gmt":"2015-01-15T19:17:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=7682"},"modified":"2015-01-15T23:17:21","modified_gmt":"2015-01-15T19:17:21","slug":"oskar-uayld-etiraf-m%c9%99ktublari","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=7682","title":{"rendered":"Oskar Uayld &#8212; Etiraf m\u0259ktublar\u0131"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/2d1f89c3e304.png\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-7683 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/2d1f89c3e304-300x229.png\" alt=\"oskaruayld9c3e304\" width=\"300\" height=\"229\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/2d1f89c3e304-300x229.png 300w, https:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/2d1f89c3e304.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<strong><em>\u2026 \u018fzab bir uzun and\u0131r. Biz onu d\u00f6vrl\u0259r\u0259 b\u00f6l\u0259 bilm\u0259rik. Biz yaln\u0131z onun v\u0259ziyy\u0259tini v\u0259 t\u0259krarlanmas\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131c\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 qeyd ed\u0259 bil\u0259rik. Zaman biziml\u0259 ir\u0259lil\u0259mir. O, d\u00f6vr edir. O, bir a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131n \u0259traf\u0131nda f\u0131rlan\u0131r.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>H\u0259r v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259y\u0259n \u015fablondan sonra h\u0259yat\u0131n iflicedici s\u00fckutu t\u0259nziml\u0259nir, bel\u0259 ki, biz d\u0259mir formulun d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259z qanunlar\u0131na uy\u011fun yeyirik, i\u00e7irik, uzan\u0131r\u0131q, ibad\u0259t edirik, dua etm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dizl\u0259rmizi yer\u0259 qoyuruq: bu \u00a0sabit \u00a0\u00f6z\u0259llik, hans\u0131 ki, h\u0259r dar\u0131xd\u0131rc\u0131 g\u00fcn\u00fcn h\u0259r bir an\u0131ndak\u0131 \u00a0x\u0131rdal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 eynil\u0259\u015fdirir, \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc m\u00f6vcudlu\u011funun mahiyy\u0259ti fasil\u0259siz d\u0259yi\u015fk\u0259nlik olan xarici t\u0259sirl\u0259rl\u0259 \u0259laq\u0259l\u0259ndirir. Toxum s\u0259pm\u0259 v\u0259 ya m\u0259hsul y\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 vaxt\u0131, bi\u00e7in\u00e7il\u0259rin tax\u0131la \u0259yilm\u0259kl\u0259ri, meyn\u0259l\u0259r aras\u0131nda sanki sapa d\u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f \u00fcz\u00fcm y\u0131\u011fanlar, yer\u0259 t\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f meyv\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 b\u0259rab\u0259r \u00a0q\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f g\u00fcll\u0259rd\u0259n yaranm\u0131\u015f meyv\u0259 ba\u011flar\u0131n\u0131n otlar\u0131: bizim bunlardan x\u0259b\u0259rimiz yoxdur v\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 bilmirik.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Bizim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yaln\u0131z bir m\u00f6vs\u00fcm var, k\u0259d\u0259r m\u00f6vs\u00fcm\u00fc. G\u00fcn\u0259\u015fimiz v\u0259 ay\u0131m\u0131z \u0259limizd\u0259n al\u0131n\u0131b. \u00c7\u00f6ld\u0259 g\u00fcn mavi v\u0259 q\u0131z\u0131l\u0131 ola bil\u0259r, lakin d\u0259mir-barmaql\u0131ql\u0131 ki\u00e7ik p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin s\u0131x \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc \u015f\u00fc\u015f\u0259sind\u0259n i\u00e7\u0259ri sivi\u015fib gir\u0259n i\u015f\u0131q, alt\u0131nda oturan \u00a0h\u0259r k\u0259s \u00a0\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn boz v\u0259 x\u0259sisdir. Onun h\u00fccr\u0259sind\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 alaqaranl\u0131q, \u00fcr\u0259yind\u0259 is\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 toranl\u0131qd\u0131r. V\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259, el\u0259c\u0259 d\u0259 zaman \u00e7evr\u0259sind\u0259 t\u0259rp\u0259ni\u015f yoxdur. S\u0259nin \u015f\u0259xs\u0259n \u00e7oxdan unutdu\u011fun bir \u015feyl\u0259r v\u0259 yaxud asanl\u0131qla unuda bil\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259rin indi m\u0259nim ba\u015f\u0131ma g\u0259lir v\u0259 sabah da t\u0259krar\u0259n eyni \u015feyi ya\u015fayacam. \u00a0Unutma, b\u0259lk\u0259 n\u0259 vaxtsa bunlar\u0131 yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u0259b\u0259bl\u0259ri v\u0259 \u00fcslubu az da olsa anlamaq iqtidar\u0131nda olacaqsan&#8230;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Bir h\u0259ft\u0259 sonra m\u0259ni buraya k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcrd\u00fcl\u0259r. \u00dc\u00e7 ay ke\u00e7di v\u0259 anam v\u0259fat etdi. He\u00e7 kim bilmir ki, onu nec\u0259 d\u0259rind\u0259n sevirdim v\u0259 onunla nec\u0259 q\u00fcrur duyurdum. Onun v\u0259fat\u0131 m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u0259h\u015f\u0259t idi; lakin bir zamanlar\u0131n dilin lordu ( v\u0259 ya a\u011fas\u0131 ) \u00a0&#8211; m\u0259n iztirab\u0131m\u0131 v\u0259 x\u0259cal\u0259timi ifad\u0259 etm\u0259y\u0259 s\u00f6z tapm\u0131ram. O v\u0259 atam yaln\u0131z \u0259d\u0259biyyatda, inc\u0259s\u0259n\u0259td\u0259, arxeologiyada, elmd\u0259 deyil, h\u0259m\u00e7inin \u00f6lk\u0259min ictimai tarixind\u0259,onun bir mill\u0259t kimi inki\u015faf\u0131nda qazand\u0131qlar\u0131 \u00a0alic\u0259nab v\u0259 \u015f\u0259r\u0259fli ad\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 v\u0259siyy\u0259t etmi\u015fdil\u0259r. M\u0259n \u00a0o ad\u0131 \u00f6m\u00fcrl\u00fck \u00a0r\u0259zil etdim. M\u0259n onu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 s\u0259viyy\u0259li insanlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda al\u00e7altd\u0131m. M\u0259n onu bataql\u0131qlara s\u00fcr\u00fckl\u0259dim. M\u0259n onu v\u0259h\u015fil\u0259r\u0259 verdim ki, onlar onu daha da qabala\u015fd\u0131rs\u0131nlar, axmaqlar\u0131n \u0259lin\u0259 verdim ki, onlar o ad\u0131 sarsaq s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 sinonim etsinl\u0259r.<\/div>\n<div>O zamanlar v\u0259 ya h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259, \u0259zab \u00e7\u0259kdiyim \u015fey \u00a0yazmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn q\u0259l\u0259m- ka\u011f\u0131z deyil. (O. Uaylda \u00a0h\u0259bsxanada olark\u0259n, ist\u0259s\u0259 d\u0259 \u00a0qeydl\u0259rini aparmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn uzun m\u00fcdd\u0259t q\u0259l\u0259m, ka\u011f\u0131z verilm\u0259yib- t\u0259rc). H\u0259yat yolda\u015f\u0131m h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 xeyirxah v\u0259 n\u0259cib olub, Genuyadan \u0130ngilt\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn yolu x\u0259st\u0259 oldu\u011fu halda s\u0259f\u0259r \u00a0etdiyi, islaholunmaz, \u00e7ar-na\u00e7ar itkisi haqda \u015fay\u0259l\u0259ri bigan\u0259 k\u0259sl\u0259rin dilind\u0259n e\u015fitdiyimd\u0259n daha \u00e7ox xeyirxa v\u0259 n\u0259cib. M\u0259ni h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 sev\u0259nl\u0259rin r\u0259\u011fb\u0259t dolu ismar\u0131clar\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131ram. H\u0259tta m\u0259ni \u015f\u0259xs\u0259n tan\u0131mayan insanlar, h\u0259yat\u0131mda ba\u015f ver\u0259n yeni k\u0259d\u0259rimi e\u015fitc\u0259k \u00f6z ba\u015fsa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0259ktublar\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7atd\u0131rd\u0131lar.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\u00dc\u00e7 ay ke\u00e7di. G\u00fcnd\u0259lik qeyd etdiyim t\u0259qvim v\u0259 h\u00fccr\u0259min qap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6l t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n as\u0131lan, \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 ad\u0131m v\u0259 h\u00f6km\u00fcm yaz\u0131lan \u0259m\u0259k tap\u015f\u0131r\u0131\u011f\u0131m deyir ki, indi Mayd\u0131r. &#8230;<\/div>\n<div>Firavanl\u0131q, m\u0259mnuniyy\u0259t v\u0259 u\u011fur yax\u015f\u0131 cilalanmam\u0131\u015f hissl\u0259rdir, x\u00fcsusiyy\u0259tc\u0259 ham\u0131s\u0131 eynidir, lakin k\u0259d\u0259r, b\u00fct\u00fcn yarad\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u015feyl\u0259rd\u0259n \u0259n h\u0259ssas\u0131d\u0131r. B\u00fct\u00fcn \u00a0d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259l\u0259r al\u0259mind\u0259 el\u0259 bir \u015fey yoxdur ki, onu k\u0259d\u0259r q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli titr\u0259dib, n\u0259bzi onun q\u0259d\u0259r inc\u0259ltsin. \u0130nc\u0259 d\u00f6y\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, titr\u0259k q\u0131z\u0131l toxumalar s\u0259rt \u015f\u0259raitd\u0259, m\u00fcqayis\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn des\u0259k, \u00a0g\u00f6z\u00fcn g\u00f6r\u0259 bilm\u0259diyi codluqdur. \u00a0Bu, \u00a0h\u0259r sev\u0259n \u0259l toxunduqca qanayan yarad\u0131r, h\u0259tta ondan sonra da, a\u011fr\u0131lar i\u00e7ind\u0259 olmasa bel\u0259, qanamal\u0131d\u0131r.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>K\u0259d\u0259r olan yer m\u00fcq\u0259dd\u0259sdir. \u00a0N\u0259 vaxtsa insanlar bunun m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131 anlayacaqlar. Onlar bunu d\u0259rk ed\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r h\u0259yat haqda he\u00e7 n\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r- v\u0259 yaln\u0131z t\u0259bi\u0259tc\u0259 \u00f6zl\u0259ri kimi insanlar bunu anlaya bil\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r. M\u0259ni iki polis n\u0259f\u0259rinin aras\u0131 il\u0259 M\u0259hk\u0259m\u0259d\u0259n h\u0259bsxanaya g\u0259tir\u0259rk\u0259n- \u00a0o, uzun, dar\u0131xd\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 d\u0259hlizd\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259di, b\u00fct\u00fcn izdiham\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tl\u0259ri mehriban v\u0259 sad\u0259 t\u0259rzd\u0259 sakitl\u0259\u015fdi v\u0259 \u015flyapas\u0131n\u0131 m\u0259n\u0259 t\u0259r\u0259f a\u00e7\u0131q \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 qald\u0131rd\u0131, m\u0259ns\u0259 \u0259ll\u0259rim qandall\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131m a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 onun yan\u0131ndan \u00f6t\u00fcb ke\u00e7dim. \u0130nsanlar c\u0259nn\u0259t\u0259 bundan da ki\u00e7ik \u015feyl\u0259rl\u0259 gedirl\u0259r.<\/div>\n<div>\n<strong><em>Bu, m\u00fcq\u0259dd\u0259sl\u0259rin ruhuna aid sevgi g\u00f6st\u0259ri\u015fi idi, yoxsullar\u0131n aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yumaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn onlar\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda diz \u00e7\u00f6km\u0259k v\u0259 ya c\u00fczaml\u0131 x\u0259st\u0259l\u0259rin yanaqlar\u0131ndan \u00f6pm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn onlara do\u011fru \u0259yilm\u0259k. M\u0259n he\u00e7 vaxt ona bu haqda bir k\u0259lm\u0259 d\u0259 olsun dem\u0259dim. \u0130ndiy\u0259d\u0259k he\u00e7 bilmir\u0259m ki, m\u0259nim onun etdikl\u0259rini \u015f\u00fcurlu \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 d\u0259rk etm\u0259yimd\u0259n x\u0259b\u0259ri var yoxsa yoxdur. Bu el\u0259 bir \u015fey deyil ki, quru s\u00f6zl\u0259rl\u0259 r\u0259smi t\u0259\u015f\u0259kk\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7atd\u0131rasan. M\u0259n onu i\u00e7imd\u0259 gizli borc kimi saxlay\u0131ram v\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr\u0259m ki, he\u00e7 vaxt bu borcu qaytara bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259y\u0259m.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Onun r\u0259ftar\u0131 \u00a0q\u0259tran v\u0259 s\u0259na g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 \u015firin qoxulu v\u0259 mum kimi yum\u015faq saxlad\u0131. M\u00fcdriklik \u00a0faydas\u0131z, f\u0259ls\u0259f\u0259 b\u0259hr\u0259siz g\u0259ldiyind\u0259, t\u0259s\u0259lli \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn deyil\u0259n atalar s\u00f6zl\u0259ri, ifad\u0259l\u0259r \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 s\u00f6yl\u0259n\u0259n \u00a0m\u0259zlum k\u0259lam kimi g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fcy\u00fcnd\u0259 h\u0259min ki\u00e7ik, sevimli, sakit r\u0259ftar qar\u015f\u0131mda m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t bulaqlar\u0131n\u0131 if\u015fa edir: sanki s\u0259hrada g\u00fcll\u0259r a\u00e7\u0131r, d\u00fcnyan\u0131n yaral\u0131, s\u0131nm\u0131\u015f v\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fck q\u0259lbil\u0259 harmoniya t\u0259\u015fkil ed\u0259n t\u0259nha s\u00fcrg\u00fcnl\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fcn ac\u0131s\u0131ndan uzaqla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131r. \u0130nsanlar \u201c \u2014\u201c \u0131n r\u0259ftar\u0131n\u0131n sad\u0259c\u0259 g\u00f6z\u0259l h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259t kimi yox, m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn niy\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7ox \u00a0d\u0259y\u0259rli oldu\u011funu ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u0259 bil\u0259nd\u0259, ola bilsin ki, m\u0259n\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 nec\u0259 v\u0259 hans\u0131 ruhda yana\u015fma\u011f\u0131 anlayacaqlar. &#8230;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Yoxsullar bizd\u0259n daha m\u00fcdrik, daha s\u0259xav\u0259tli, daha xeyirxah v\u0259 h\u0259ssasd\u0131rlar. Onlar\u0131n g\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259 t\u00fcrm\u0259 insan h\u0259yat\u0131nda ba\u015f vermi\u015f faci\u0259dir, talehsizlikdir, b\u0259db\u0259xt hadis\u0259dir, el\u0259 bir \u015feydir ki, bu hal ba\u015fqalar\u0131na qar\u015f\u0131 \u015f\u0259fq\u0259t do\u011furur. Onlar h\u0259bsd\u0259 olan bir k\u0259s haqda el\u0259 dan\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar ki, bu sad\u0259c\u0259 \u201c \u00e7\u0259tinlikd\u0259 olmaq\u201d m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131 verir. Bu, h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 onlar\u0131n i\u015fl\u0259tdikl\u0259ri ifad\u0259dir, v\u0259 bu ifad\u0259d\u0259 sevginin kamil hikm\u0259ti var. Bizim t\u0259b\u0259q\u0259nin insanlar\u0131nda is\u0259 bu, tam f\u0259rqlidir. Biz\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259, t\u00fcrm\u0259 insan\u0131 parya edir ( h\u0259r k\u0259s t\u0259r\u0259find\u0259n k\u0259narla\u015fd\u0131r\u0131lan, t\u0259kl\u0259n\u0259n \u00a0kims\u0259 &#8211; t\u0259rc). M\u0259n v\u0259 m\u0259nim kimisinin \u00a0havaya v\u0259 g\u00fcn\u0259\u015f\u0259 haqq\u0131 \u00a0yoxdur. Bizim m\u00f6vcud q\u00fcsurumuz ba\u015fqalar\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259\u015f\u0259dir. Bizim \u00a0t\u0259krar bir yerl\u0259rd\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259yimiz xo\u015f qar\u015f\u0131lanm\u0131r. Ay i\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n sayr\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 izl\u0259m\u0259k bizim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn deyil. U\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131z h\u0259r \u015feyd\u0259n m\u0259hrum olur. \u0130nsanl\u0131qla \u0259laq\u0259li xo\u015f ba\u011flant\u0131larm\u0131z q\u0131r\u0131l\u0131r. U\u015faqlar\u0131m\u0131z h\u0259l\u0259 ya\u015fark\u0259n, biz t\u0259nhal\u0131\u011fa m\u0259hkum oluruq. A\u011fr\u0131lar i\u00e7ind\u0259 q\u0131vr\u0131lan ruhumuzu sakitl\u0259\u015fdir\u0259c\u0259k, \u0259zilmi\u015f \u00fcr\u0259yimiz\u0259 m\u0259lh\u0259m ola bil\u0259c\u0259k, bizi sa\u011falda v\u0259 ayaqda saxlaya bil\u0259c\u0259k h\u0259r \u015feyi bizd\u0259n \u0259sirg\u0259yirl\u0259r.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\u00a0 \u015e\u0259xs\u0259n etiraf edir\u0259m ki, \u00f6z\u00fcm \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc m\u0259hv etmi\u015f\u0259m, he\u00e7 kim ki\u00e7ik v\u0259 ya b\u00f6y\u00fck h\u0259cmd\u0259 bel\u0259 m\u0259hv ola bilm\u0259zdi, \u00f6z \u0259ll\u0259ril\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc m\u0259hv ed\u0259nl\u0259rd\u0259n savay\u0131. Bel\u0259 s\u00f6yl\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn tam haz\u0131ram. Onlar \u00e7ox g\u00fcman bu ana q\u0259d\u0259r bel\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcrl\u0259r, ancaq \u00a0m\u0259n etiraf edir\u0259m. Bu amans\u0131z ittiham\u0131 m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131 qald\u0131rm\u0131\u015fam. D\u00fcnyan\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 etdikl\u0259ri d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli idi, ancaq \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 etdikl\u0259rimin daha da d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tlidir. M\u0259n \u00f6z \u0259srimin m\u0259d\u0259niyy\u0259t v\u0259 inc\u0259s\u0259n\u0259t r\u0259mzi idim. Bunu ilkin yetkinlik d\u00f6vr\u00fcmd\u0259 art\u0131q anlam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m v\u0259 daha sonralar da tam m\u0259nas\u0131l\u0259 f\u0259rqind\u0259 idim. \u00c7ox az adam h\u0259yatlar\u0131 boyunca bu m\u00f6vqey\u0259 sahibl\u0259n\u0259 bilir. \u0130nsan \u00f6ld\u00fckd\u0259n v\u0259 ya ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259sr bitdikd\u0259n \u00e7ox sonra, yaln\u0131z tarix\u00e7il\u0259r v\u0259 \u00a0t\u0259nqid\u00e7il\u0259r onun m\u00f6vqeyini qeyd ed\u0259 bil\u0259rl\u0259r, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259 \u0259g\u0259r \u00fcmumiyy\u0259tl\u0259 ayr\u0131d etm\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcrs\u0259. M\u0259nim durum f\u0259rqli idi. M\u0259n onu \u00f6z\u00fcm hiss edirdim v\u0259 dig\u0259rl\u0259rin\u0259 d\u0259 hiss etdirirdim. Bayron simvolik fiqur idi, onun ehtirasl\u0131 m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259ri v\u0259 yor\u011funlu\u011fu \u00f6z \u0259srinin ehtiraslar\u0131na uy\u011fun idi. M\u0259nimki is\u0259 daha geni\u015f v\u00fcs\u0259td\u0259 daha n\u0259cib, daha daimi v\u0259 h\u0259yati idi.<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Allahlar dem\u0259k olar ki, m\u0259n\u0259 h\u0259r \u015fey vermi\u015fdil\u0259r. Ancaq m\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc m\u0259nas\u0131z v\u0259 \u015f\u0259hv\u0259tli rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131n uzuns\u00fcr\u0259n tilsiml\u0259rin\u0259 \u015firnikl\u0259nm\u0259y\u0259 imkan verdim. M\u0259n \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc flaner (d\u0259bli geyin\u0259n \u015f\u0259h\u0259rli v\u0259 ya d\u0259bli geyinib bo\u015funa ortal\u0131qda g\u0259z\u0259n \u2013 t\u0259rc), dendi ( modabaz- t\u0259rc), d\u0259b eksperti olmaqla \u0259yl\u0259ndirirdim. \u018ftraf\u0131m\u0131 ki\u00e7ik insanlar v\u0259 al\u00e7aq beyinl\u0259rl\u0259 doldurmu\u015fdum. \u00d6z z\u0259kam\u0131n israf\u00e7\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7evrilmi\u015fdim v\u0259 \u0259b\u0259di g\u0259ncliyin verdiyi q\u0259rib\u0259 sevinci bo\u015funa s\u0259rf edirdim. Zirv\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n yorularaq, yeni hissl\u0259rin axtar\u0131\u015f\u0131nda \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n u\u00e7uruma s\u00fcr\u00fckl\u0259yirdim. M\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnc\u0259 al\u0259mind\u0259 paradoksal olan bir \u015fey, ehtiras al\u0259mind\u0259 az\u011f\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7evrildi. \u0130st\u0259k, sonda x\u0259st\u0259liy\u0259 v\u0259 ya d\u0259liliy\u0259 ke\u00e7id ald\u0131 v\u0259 ya h\u0259r ikisin\u0259.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n h\u0259yatlar\u0131na qar\u015f\u0131 etinas\u0131z olma\u011fa ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. M\u0259ni m\u0259mnun ed\u0259n h\u0259r yerd\u0259n l\u0259zz\u0259t al\u0131rd\u0131m v\u0259 bel\u0259c\u0259 d\u0259 davam edirdim. Unutmu\u015fdum ki, adi g\u00fcnd\u0259 edil\u0259n h\u0259r ki\u00e7ik \u0259m\u0259l insan xarakterini formala\u015fd\u0131r\u0131r v\u0259 ya d\u0259yi\u015fdirir v\u0259 buna g\u00f6r\u0259dir ki, ota\u011f\u0131nda gizlind\u0259 etdiyin bir \u015fey \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259 vaxtsa bir g\u00fcn evinin dam\u0131nda a\u015fkarcas\u0131na a\u011flay\u0131rsan. \u00d6z\u00fcm\u0259 hakim k\u0259silm\u0259kd\u0259n vaz ke\u00e7mi\u015fdim v\u0259 bundan x\u0259b\u0259rsiz idim. H\u0259zzin m\u0259n\u0259 a\u011fal\u0131q etm\u0259sin\u0259 izn vermi\u015fdim. Sonum biab\u0131r\u00e7\u0131l\u0131qla n\u0259tic\u0259l\u0259ndi. \u0130ndi m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn yaln\u0131z bir \u015fey var, m\u00fctl\u0259q m\u0259zlumluq.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>T\u0259xmin\u0259n iki il\u0259 yax\u0131nd\u0131r ki, h\u0259bsd\u0259 yat\u0131ram. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259 v\u0259h\u015fi \u00e7ar\u0259sizlik oyan\u0131b; h\u0259tta baxd\u0131qca zavall\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u0259n k\u0259d\u0259rimi t\u0259rk etm\u0259k; d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli v\u0259 aciz q\u0259z\u0259bim; ac\u0131 v\u0259 nifr\u0259tim; h\u00f6nk\u00fcr\u0259r\u0259k a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u0259zab\u0131m; s\u0259si-\u00fcn\u00fc yetm\u0259y\u0259n s\u0259fal\u0259tim; lal olan k\u0259d\u0259rim. M\u0259n \u0259zab\u0131n h\u0259r m\u00fcmk\u00fcn hal\u0131ndan ke\u00e7dim. V\u00f6rdzvorsun n\u0259 dem\u0259k ist\u0259diyini \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n daha yax\u015f\u0131 anlay\u0131ram: \u201c\u018fzab m\u00fcdd\u0259tsiz, anla\u015f\u0131lmaz \u00a0v\u0259 qaranl\u0131qd\u0131r. O, sonsuzluq kimi x\u00fcsusiyy\u0259t\u0259 malikdir.\u201d<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Lakin \u0259zablar\u0131m\u0131n sonsuz olaca\u011f\u0131 fikrin\u0259 sevindiyim d\u00f6n\u0259ml\u0259rd\u0259, onlar\u0131n m\u0259nas\u0131z olmalar\u0131na d\u00f6z\u0259 bilmirdim. \u0130ndis\u0259 haradasa i\u00e7imd\u0259 gizl\u0259n\u0259n bir \u015fey tapm\u0131\u015fam, o m\u0259n\u0259 deyir ki, d\u00fcnyada el\u0259 bir \u015fey yoxdur ki, m\u0259nas\u0131z olsun, \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 \u0259zab kimi bir hiss. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259 \u00e7ox d\u0259rinl\u0259rd\u0259, sanki x\u0259zin\u0259 kimi gizl\u0259n\u0259n o hiss T\u0259vaz\u00f6karl\u0131qd\u0131r.<\/div>\n<div>O, m\u0259nd\u0259 qalan \u0259n son v\u0259 \u0259n yax\u015f\u0131 \u015feydir: g\u0259lib \u00e7atd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u0259n son k\u0259\u015ff, yeni inki\u015faf \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn ba\u015flan\u011f\u0131c n\u00f6qt\u0259sidir. O, d\u00fcz m\u0259nim i\u00e7imd\u0259n ba\u015f qald\u0131r\u0131b v\u0259 bilir\u0259m ki, tam vaxt\u0131nda g\u0259lib. O, n\u0259 \u0259vv\u0259ll\u0259r g\u0259l\u0259 bil\u0259rdi, n\u0259 d\u0259 sonralar. Kims\u0259 onun haqda m\u0259n\u0259 s\u00f6yl\u0259s\u0259ydi, r\u0259dd ed\u0259rdim. Onu m\u0259n\u0259 g\u0259tirs\u0259ydil\u0259r, imtina ed\u0259rdim. Onu \u00f6z\u00fcm tapd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn saxlamaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. V\u0259 bel\u0259 d\u0259 etm\u0259liy\u0259m. Onda h\u0259yat elem\u0259ntl\u0259ri olan bir \u015fey var, yeni h\u0259yat elementl\u0259ri, o m\u0259nim \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn \u201cV\u0130TA NUOVA\u201d d\u0131r (Dante Aligyeri, \u201cYeni H\u0259yat\u201d \u0259s\u0259ri- t\u0259rc). B\u00fct\u00fcn h\u0259r \u015feyd\u0259n \u0259n q\u0259rib\u0259si odur. Malik oldu\u011fun h\u0259r \u015feyi t\u0259slim etm\u0259d\u0259n, onu \u0259ld\u0259 ed\u0259 bilm\u0259zs\u0259n. Bu o vaxt ba\u015f verir ki, h\u0259r \u015feyini itirirs\u0259n v\u0259 bilirs\u0259n ki, ba\u015fqas\u0131 ona sahibl\u0259nir.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\u0130ndi anlad\u0131m ki, o m\u0259nim i\u00e7imd\u0259dir, n\u0259 etm\u0259li oldu\u011fumu tam ayd\u0131n g\u00f6r\u0259 bilir\u0259m. V\u0259 m\u0259n bel\u0259 ifad\u0259 i\u015fl\u0259tdiyim zaman, he\u00e7 bir k\u0259nar d\u0259st\u0259y\u0259 v\u0259 ya g\u00f6st\u0259ri\u015f\u0259 eyham vurmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 dem\u0259y\u0259 ehtiyac yoxdur. M\u0259n bunlar\u0131n he\u00e7 birini q\u0259bul etmir\u0259m. M\u0259n indiy\u0259d\u0259k oldu\u011fumdan daha \u00e7ox f\u0259rdiyy\u0259t\u00e7i olmu\u015fam. \u0130nsan\u0131n \u00f6z daxilind\u0259n \u00a0bir \u015feyl\u0259r \u0259ld\u0259 etm\u0259sind\u0259n savay\u0131, h\u0259r \u015fey g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259 \u0259n ki\u00e7ik d\u0259y\u0259r\u0259 malikdir. M\u0259nim t\u0259bi\u0259tim \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc-d\u0259rketm\u0259nin yeni \u00fcsulunu axtar\u0131r. M\u0259ni maraqland\u0131ran \u015fey yaln\u0131z budur. V\u0259 ilk etm\u0259li oldu\u011fum \u015fey, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnyaya qar\u015f\u0131 hiss etdiyim ist\u0259nil\u0259n m\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tsiz hissl\u0259rd\u0259n azad etm\u0259kdir.<\/p>\n<p>T\u0259rc\u00fcm\u0259: Ayg\u00fcn Qurbanl\u0131<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"bawpvc-ajax-counter\" data-id=\"7682\">Yaz\u0131ya 776 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u2026 \u018fzab bir uzun and\u0131r. Biz onu d\u00f6vrl\u0259r\u0259 b\u00f6l\u0259 bilm\u0259rik. Biz yaln\u0131z onun v\u0259ziyy\u0259tini v\u0259 t\u0259krarlanmas\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131c\u0131ll\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 qeyd ed\u0259 bil\u0259rik. Zaman biziml\u0259 ir\u0259lil\u0259mir. O, d\u00f6vr edir. O, bir a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131n \u0259traf\u0131nda f\u0131rlan\u0131r.\u00a0 H\u0259r v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259y\u0259n \u015fablondan sonra h\u0259yat\u0131n iflicedici s\u00fckutu t\u0259nziml\u0259nir, bel\u0259 ki, biz d\u0259mir formulun d\u0259yi\u015fm\u0259z qanunlar\u0131na uy\u011fun yeyirik, i\u00e7irik, uzan\u0131r\u0131q, ibad\u0259t edirik, dua [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7683,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7682"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7682"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7682\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7684,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7682\/revisions\/7684"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7683"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}