{"id":9132,"date":"2015-04-04T10:43:22","date_gmt":"2015-04-04T05:43:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=9132"},"modified":"2015-04-04T10:43:22","modified_gmt":"2015-04-04T05:43:22","slug":"sevinc-murv%c9%99tqizi-bir-gun-m%c9%99nim-q%c9%99d%c9%99r-anlasan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=9132","title":{"rendered":"Sevinc M\u00fcrv\u0259tq\u0131z\u0131–Bir g\u00fcn m\u0259nim q\u0259d\u0259r anlasan…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"33719_myuu0ir8fc\"<\/a><\/p>\n

…V\u0259 g\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir bo\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fc q\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n-q\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n q\u0131r\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f sif\u0259tini d\u0259f\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcn, amma h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259y\u0259 a\u00e7\u0131lan p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 yast\u0131 k\u00f6k\u0259 kimi yap\u0131\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b he\u00e7 m\u00f6vcud olmayan birini g\u00f6zl\u0259yirmi\u015f kimi uzaq yollara zill\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 q\u0259fil h\u0259r \u015feyin m\u0259nas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayacaqsan…El\u0259 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n andaca rahatl\u0131q tapacaqsan, \u00e7\u00fcnki onda art\u0131q bunu s\u0259nd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l d\u0259 \u00e7oxlar\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259rk ed\u0259si ya\u015fda v\u0259 ba\u015fda olacaqsan, q\u0131z\u0131m…<\/p>\n

Freyd deyirmi\u015f ki, h\u0259yat\u0131n m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259rk etm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan insan x\u0259st\u0259dir. El\u0259 is\u0259 m\u0259n c\u0259miyy\u0259tin \u201csa\u011flam\u201dl\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 sevinir\u0259m v\u0259 onlar\u0131 kim(l\u0259r)d\u0259ns\u0259 tutdu\u011fum bu m\u0259lum \u201cx\u0259st\u0259liy\u0259\u201d yoluxdurmaqdan ehtiyat edir\u0259m!<\/p>\n

H\u0259yat \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00fcverturas\u0131d\u0131r. Bunsuz onun l\u0259zz\u0259ti olmazd\u0131 ki… Biz d\u0259 h\u0259yat dediyin bu absurd anlams\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ind\u0259 yaln\u0131z h\u0259zzl\u0259rl\u0259 t\u0259s\u0259lli tap\u0131b ya\u015fay\u0131r\u0131q. H\u0259tta c\u0259nn\u0259t v\u0259 c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259mi bel\u0259 h\u0259zz anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 biz fanil\u0259r uydurmu\u015fuq: Birincini \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz, ikincini g\u00fcnahkar dediyimiz ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n \u0259zab \u00e7\u0259km\u0259sind\u0259n h\u0259zz alma\u011fa \u00fcmid etdiyimiz \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn. H\u0259yat\u0131m\u0131z hedonist prosesl\u0259rin c\u0259midir. Amma kimil\u0259ri \u00f6z hedonistliyi il\u0259 sadistc\u0259sin\u0259 ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n, kimisi d\u0259 mazoxistc\u0259sin\u0259 \u00f6z \u0259zablar\u0131ndan h\u0259zz ala-ala ya\u015fay\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n s\u00fcr\u0259c\u0259 bu d\u00fcnyada h\u0259r\u0259nin \u00f6z \u0259zab\u0131 var v\u0259 h\u0259r k\u0259s \u00f6z \u0259zab\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fc \u00e7\u0259km\u0259lidir. M\u0259n ist\u0259s\u0259m bel\u0259, s\u0259nin a\u011fr\u0131n\u0131, k\u0259d\u0259rini da\u015f\u0131ya bilm\u0259r\u0259m, q\u0131z\u0131m. He\u00e7 k\u0259sin a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131, k\u0259d\u0259ri bir \u2013birin\u0259 b\u0259nz\u0259m\u0259z. Bunlar\u0131 s\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259rs verm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn demir\u0259m… \u00c7\u00fcnki h\u0259yat\u0131ndak\u0131 ya\u015fant\u0131lardan ba\u015fqa he\u00e7 kim s\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259rs, m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259t v\u0259 t\u00f6vsiy\u0259 ver\u0259 bilm\u0259z. Vers\u0259l\u0259r bel\u0259, s\u0259n yen\u0259 yaln\u0131z \u00f6z s\u0259hvl\u0259rind\u0259n, yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan, g\u00fcnahlar\u0131ndan d\u0259rs alanda h\u0259yat\u0131 anlayacaqsan. H\u0259tta ba\u015fqalar\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fant\u0131lar\u0131, \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u0259ri v\u0259 b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n n\u0259tic\u0259l\u0259ri s\u0259nin g\u00f6z\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcnd\u0259 ba\u015f vers\u0259 d\u0259, s\u0259n yen\u0259 d\u0259 onlar\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcn ya\u015famay\u0131nca ibr\u0259t almayacaqsan. H\u0259yata g\u0259lm\u0259yin\u0259 bir v\u0259sil\u0259 olsam da, h\u0259tta m\u0259nim d\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 a\u011f\u0131l verm\u0259k fikrim v\u0259 haqq\u0131m yoxdu \u0259slind\u0259. Zat\u0259n a\u011f\u0131l el\u0259 bir \u015feydir ki, onu ba\u015fqalar\u0131 il\u0259 b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k imkans\u0131zd\u0131r. Onun varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, lap el\u0259 yoxlu\u011funu da g\u00f6st\u0259rm\u0259k m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcr, amma verm\u0259k \u0259sla. \u0130nsan\u0131n a\u011fl\u0131 da, a\u011f\u0131ls\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 da yaln\u0131z onun \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 \u201cxidm\u0259t\u201d edir. B\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259r-b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259z m\u0259ni d\u0259 \u201ca\u011f\u0131l verm\u0259y\u0259\u201d, yanl\u0131\u015flardan \u00e7\u0259kinm\u0259y\u0259 , g\u00fcnahlardan ar\u0131nma\u011fa, s\u0259hvl\u0259rd\u0259n xali olma\u011fa s\u0259sl\u0259dil\u0259r. Sanki pey\u011f\u0259mb\u0259r yeti\u015fdir\u0259c\u0259kdil\u0259r…H\u0259r \u015feyi \u015f\u0259xs\u0259n ya\u015famay\u0131nca, ba\u015f\u0131m da\u015fa \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131lmay\u0131nca h\u0259yat\u0131 anlamad\u0131m, q\u0131z\u0131m…\u018fzablar ruhumun ucqarlar\u0131na i\u015fl\u0259m\u0259y\u0259n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r h\u0259yat\u0131n m\u0259nas\u0131n\u0131, daha do\u011frusu m\u0259nas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259rk el\u0259y\u0259 bilm\u0259dim. \u0130nsan \u00f6z s\u0259hvl\u0259rind\u0259n, q\u00fcsurlar\u0131ndan, yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan \u00f6yr\u0259nir, kims\u0259nin b\u0259la\u011f\u0259tin\u0259 inanma. H\u0259tta anana da. \u0130nsan b\u0259d\u0259ninin v\u0259 ruhunun a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131, \u0259zablar\u0131 il\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u00fcr. \u0130st\u0259yir\u0259m ki, \u0259zab \u00e7\u0259km\u0259y\u0259s\u0259n, amma h\u0259r m\u0259nada b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259yini d\u0259 ist\u0259yir\u0259m. El\u0259 bu ikisini bir arada ist\u0259m\u0259k absurd deyilmi? \u018fzabs\u0131z b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259 olmaz ki…Ona g\u00f6r\u0259 d\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r a\u011f\u0131r olsa da, bu m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259y\u0259 rasional yana\u015fmal\u0131yam. S\u0259nin b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259yini, amma h\u0259yat\u0131n a\u011fr\u0131 v\u0259 \u0259zablar\u0131na da tab g\u0259tirm\u0259yini, h\u0259r \u0259zabdan sonra daha da g\u00fccl\u00fc olma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 arzulay\u0131ram. V\u0259 unutma- h\u0259tta sars\u0131nt\u0131lardan, \u0259zablardan, a\u011fr\u0131lardan \u00f6lm\u0259k ist\u0259diyin zamanlarda bel\u0259 h\u0259yata tutunacaqsan, h\u0259m d\u0259 daha m\u00f6hk\u0259m. M\u0259n\u0259 sad\u0259c\u0259 bunu s\u00f6z ver. \u00c7\u00fcnki h\u0259tta \u00fcr\u0259yi, m\u0259n\u0259viyyat\u0131, ruhu \u015f\u0131r\u0131m-\u015f\u0131r\u0131m el\u0259y\u0259n \u0259n d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli yaralar bel\u0259 zaman ke\u00e7dikc\u0259 sa\u011fal\u0131r.\u00a0 Ruhun immuniteti g\u00fccl\u00fcd\u00fcr. B\u0259d\u0259n z\u0259if olsa da, ruhun sars\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 d\u0259f el\u0259m\u0259k g\u00fcc\u00fc var.<\/p>\n

S\u0259ni \u00e7ox sevir\u0259m, q\u0131z\u0131m. Amma bil ki, \u0259n g\u00fccl\u00fc v\u0259 \u0259n t\u0259m\u0259nnas\u0131z sevgil\u0259rin d\u0259 mayas\u0131nda eqoistlik, ba\u015fqas\u0131ndan daha art\u0131q \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcsevm\u0259 var. B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 bu s\u00f6zl\u0259rim\u0259 g\u00f6r\u0259 m\u0259ni q\u0259ddarl\u0131qda q\u0131naya bil\u0259rs\u0259n, amma h\u0259yat \u00f6z\u00fc q\u0259ddard\u0131r, g\u00f6r\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n. V\u0259 m\u0259n s\u0259nin bu amans\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 d\u0259rk el\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 dik baxacaq q\u0259d\u0259r qorxmaz, amma eyni zamanda sif\u0259ti dalayan soyuq q\u0131\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fc p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259nin qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda arams\u0131z cikkiltisiyl\u0259 az qala dil a\u00e7\u0131b birc\u0259 tik\u0259 \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259k ist\u0259y\u0259n s\u0259r\u00e7\u0259ciy\u0259 ac\u0131yacaq q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tli olma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259yir\u0259m. M\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t hissl\u0259rin \u0259n g\u00f6z\u0259lidir… Ad\u0131na Allah deyil\u0259n o Uca Enerjinin d\u0259 yaln\u0131z m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t v\u0259 \u0259dal\u0259t hissind\u0259n ibar\u0259t oldu\u011funa \u0259min\u0259m. B\u0259\u015f\u0259riyy\u0259tin s\u0259madan g\u0259ldiyin\u0259 inand\u0131\u011f\u0131 qutsal kitablarda t\u0259svir olunan d\u0259h\u015f\u0259tli c\u0259h\u0259nn\u0259m \u0259zablar\u0131n\u0131n da \u0259b\u0259di davam ed\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 inanm\u0131ram.\u00a0 H\u0259l\u0259 \u00fcst\u0259lik o kitablar\u0131 s\u0259mavi adland\u0131r\u0131rlar…\u0130nsanlar\u0131n ya\u015famaq ad\u0131na bu q\u0259d\u0259r \u00e7abalar\u0131, m\u00fcbariz\u0259l\u0259ri, mal v\u0259 can h\u0259v\u0259sl\u0259ri, ruhi \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131, qov\u011falar\u0131, qeyl\u00fc-qallar\u0131, g\u00fcnd\u0259 y\u00fcz yol \u201c\u00f6l\u00fcb-dirilm\u0259\u201dl\u0259ri\u00a0 s\u0259madan y\u0259qin\u00a0 el\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcnc, fani, b\u0259sit v\u0259 anlams\u0131z g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr ki…<\/p>\n

D\u0259rdd\u0259n \u00e7iynim \u0259yil\u0259nd\u0259, k\u00f6ks\u00fcm a\u011fr\u0131lardan s\u0131x\u0131l\u0131b i\u00e7\u0259risind\u0259 \u201c\u00fcr\u0259k\u201d adlanan bir ovucluq o \u0259t par\u00e7as\u0131 v\u0259zif\u0259sinin sad\u0259c\u0259\u00a0 orqanizm\u0259\u00a0 qan vuran b\u0259d\u0259n \u0259zas\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 xat\u0131rladanda, \u00e7\u0259kdiyim d\u00f6z\u00fclm\u0259z sars\u0131nt\u0131lardan YER \u00dcZ\u00dc g\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n d\u00fc\u015f\u0259nd\u0259 h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 bax\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 G\u00d6Y\u0259 \u00e7evirdim, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 s\u0259maya qald\u0131rd\u0131m. S\u0259n d\u0259 bunlar\u0131 hiss el\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259, YERd\u0259n\u00a0 haqq\u0131n olan\u0131 almayanda ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 G\u00d6Y\u0259 qovza, q\u0131z\u0131m. G\u00f6yd\u0259n s\u0259n\u0259 \u00e7atan\u0131 m\u00fctl\u0259q alacaqsan, g\u00f6r\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259n ki, s\u0259ma ham\u0131n\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 nec\u0259 d\u0259 b\u0259rab\u0259r, ilahi \u0259dal\u0259tl\u0259 paylan\u0131b. V\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn fikirl\u0259\u015f, o g\u00f6z\u0259llikd\u0259n, o \u0259nginlikd\u0259n, o ucal\u0131qdan, o d\u0259rinlikd\u0259n, o laciv\u0259rd mavilikd\u0259n bitm\u0259y\u0259n \u0259zablar\u0131 t\u0259svir el\u0259y\u0259n kitablar g\u00f6nd\u0259ril\u0259 bil\u0259rmi? Ka\u015f ki, s\u0259ma q\u0259d\u0259r m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tli olma\u011f\u0131 bacarsayd\u0131q…G\u00f6y \u00fcz\u00fc \u0259dal\u0259tsizlik b\u00fcr\u00fcnc\u0259yini xirtd\u0259yin\u0259c\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kmi\u015fl\u0259r\u0259 bel\u0259 \u00e7ox m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tlidir, yoxsa ordan ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131za h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 nur damlalar\u0131 yox, yek\u0259-yek\u0259 da\u015flar ya\u011fard\u0131…<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u00e7 kim ba\u015fqas\u0131na he\u00e7 n\u0259 el\u0259y\u0259 bilm\u0259z q\u0131z\u0131m, kim n\u0259 el\u0259s\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259 el\u0259y\u0259r\u201d-u\u015faql\u0131qdan bel\u0259 e\u015fitmi\u015f\u0259m v\u0259 ya\u015fad\u0131qca da buna \u0259min olmu\u015fam. Heminqueys\u0259 deyirmi\u015f\u00a0 ki, insan\u0131 cism\u0259n \u00f6ld\u00fcrm\u0259k olar, amma m\u0259hv el\u0259m\u0259k olmaz. Olmaz, \u0259min ol!\u00a0 Amma yen\u0259 d\u0259 insanlarla \u2013 x\u00fcsus\u0259n ki\u015fil\u0259rl\u0259 ehtiyatl\u0131 davran, q\u0131z\u0131m… Bunu s\u0259n\u0259 qad\u0131n deyir. \u00c7\u00fcnki \u0259n pisi a\u011fl\u0131n\u0131 can\u0131ndan \u0259vv\u0259l itirm\u0259kdir, q\u0131z\u0131m… Amma ki\u015fi d\u0259 var, ki\u015fi d\u0259 var. E\u015fqin yenid\u0259n yaratd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fi q\u00fcsursuz, qutsal olur, h\u0259tta \u00f6zke\u00e7mi\u015fi s\u0259hvl\u0259r v\u0259 g\u00fcnahlarla dolu olsa bel\u0259…V\u0259 bel\u0259 ki\u015fi h\u0259r \u201cqad\u0131nam\u201d dey\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259 n\u0259sib olmur. \u00c7oxumuz etiraf etm\u0259s\u0259k d\u0259, ana sevgisi d\u0259 eqoistdir. V\u0259 m\u0259n s\u0259ni yaln\u0131z e\u015fqin yenid\u0259n yaratd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fiy\u0259\u00a0 g\u00fcz\u0259\u015ft\u0259 ged\u0259 bil\u0259r\u0259m. Arzulay\u0131ram ki,\u00a0 e\u015fqd\u0259n yaranan v\u0259 e\u015fqin yaratd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fi qar\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131xanda onun f\u0259rqin\u0259 varacaq q\u0259d\u0259r \u201cb\u00f6y\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f\u201d olasan, q\u0131z\u0131m.<\/p>\n

E\u015fq dediyin d\u0259 el\u0259 h\u0259r \u0259lini atd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda yap\u0131\u015fa bil\u0259c\u0259yin qap\u0131 d\u0259st\u0259yi deyil, tutub \u015f\u0259stl\u0259 a\u00e7asan…Bu d\u0259st\u0259yin q\u0131r\u0131l\u0131b \u0259lind\u0259 qalmaq riskini, ya da qap\u0131n\u0131n arxas\u0131nda he\u00e7 a\u011fl\u0131na g\u0259tirm\u0259dikl\u0259rin\u0259 \u00fcrcah olmaq ehtimal\u0131n\u0131 demir\u0259m h\u0259l\u0259…Ad\u0131n\u0131 unutdu\u011fum hans\u0131sa dahi deyibmi\u015f ki, qar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ql\u0131 e\u015fq meteorit g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259si q\u0259d\u0259r nadir hadis\u0259dir. Amma h\u0259r halda \u201cmeteorit g\u00f6r\u0259nl\u0259r\u201d d\u0259 az deyil…<\/p>\n

E\u015fq d\u0259 enerjidir, verdiyin q\u0259d\u0259r alacaqsan, almaq ist\u0259diyin q\u0259d\u0259r verm\u0259lis\u0259n, qayda budur…Durub burada s\u0259n\u0259 fizikadan aksiom, metafizikadan b\u0259la\u011f\u0259t diqt\u0259 el\u0259m\u0259k fikrim yoxdu. Ham\u0131m\u0131z yanl\u0131\u015flarla dolu \u00f6m\u00fcr s\u00fcr\u0259rk\u0259n ba\u015fqalar\u0131na ideal ya\u015famaq qaydalar\u0131n\u0131 hans\u0131 haqla diqt\u0259 ed\u0259 bil\u0259rik? Sad\u0259c\u0259, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n h\u0259r yanl\u0131\u015fdan sonra \u00f6z\u00fcn \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn n\u0259tic\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xarma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 arzulayard\u0131m, q\u0131z\u0131m… O\u015fo deyir ki, s\u0259hv etm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxmaq laz\u0131m deyil, insan s\u0259hvl\u0259rl\u0259 ya\u015fayan varl\u0131qd\u0131r, ancaq unutma-h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 eyni s\u0259hvl\u0259ri el\u0259y\u0259nl\u0259ri ba\u011f\u0131\u015flam\u0131rlar.<\/p>\n

\u0130nsan\u0131n yetkinl\u0259\u015fm\u0259si d\u0259 onu s\u0259hvl\u0259rd\u0259n xali el\u0259mir, yetkin ya\u015fda el\u0259diyim yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131m m\u0259ni daha \u00e7ox b\u00f6y\u00fctd\u00fc, t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259l\u0259ndirdi. El\u0259 t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259 dediyimiz d\u0259 s\u0259hvl\u0259rimizin n\u0259tic\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ibr\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259n, yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zla do\u011frular\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00e7arp\u0131\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n verdiyi d\u0259rsl\u0259rd\u0259n ba\u015fqa bir \u015fey deyil ki… Kiml\u0259rins\u0259 erk\u0259n g\u0259nclikd\u0259 el\u0259dikl\u0259ri s\u0259hvl\u0259ri m\u0259n h\u0259yat\u0131 anlayanda el\u0259dim- bil\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n d\u0259 oldu, bilm\u0259y\u0259r\u0259kd\u0259n d\u0259.\u00a0 Amma yetkinliyin s\u0259hvl\u0259ri adam\u0131 daha tez b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcr, daha tez a\u011f\u0131lland\u0131r\u0131r, daha rasional, daha soyuqqanl\u0131 edir. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u0259 bel\u0259 g\u00f6z\u00fca\u00e7\u0131q bax\u0131rsan onda. S\u00f6hb\u0259ti hara h\u0259rl\u0259dib-f\u0131rlatsan, yen\u0259 \u00f6l\u00fcm\u0259 g\u0259lib \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r, g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u0259nmi? \u00d6l\u00fcm qorxulu deyil, q\u0131z\u0131m, t\u0259bii olan bir \u015fey niy\u0259 qorxulu olsun ki? \u00d6l\u00fcm sad\u0259c\u0259 gerid\u00f6nm\u0259z bir prosesdir, d\u00fcnyaya g\u0259l\u0259nd\u0259 d\u0259, ya\u015fayanda da, \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b ged\u0259nd\u0259 d\u0259 insan\u0131n \u0259b\u0259di t\u0259nhal\u0131q yol\u00e7usu oldu\u011funun s\u00fcbutudur, v\u0259ssalam…<\/p>\n

M\u0259n kitablardan v\u0259 insanlardan \u00f6yr\u0259ndim, h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 \u00f6yr\u0259nir\u0259m. Kitablar\u0131n a\u015f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131 m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t v\u0259 insanlar\u0131n diqt\u0259 el\u0259diyi amans\u0131zl\u0131qlarla b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcm. B\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fckc\u0259 d\u0259 \u015fahidi oldum ki, kitablar\u0131 insanlar yazsa da, o m\u0259tnl\u0259rl\u0259, s\u00f6zl\u0259rl\u0259\u00a0 insanlar\u0131n el\u0259dikl\u0259ri \u00fcst-\u00fcst\u0259 d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcr. Bu fakta inanmad\u0131qca el\u0259diyim s\u0259hvl\u0259rd\u0259n \u201cd\u0259rsimi ald\u0131m\u201d. Kitablarla b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259k g\u00f6z\u0259ldir, q\u0131z\u0131m, amma deyim, bil\u0259s\u0259n: g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259kd\u0259 onlar\u0131 yazanlar\u0131n s\u00f6zl\u0259ri il\u0259 \u0259m\u0259ll\u0259rinin bir-birin\u0259 t\u0259n g\u0259lm\u0259m\u0259sind\u0259n s\u0131nmayasan. O kitablar\u0131 da, onlar\u0131 yazanlar\u0131 da m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t qar\u0131\u015f\u0131q hissl\u0259rl\u0259 sev, amma bunu da a\u011fl\u0131n\u0131n bir k\u00fcnc\u00fcnd\u0259 saxla h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259….Ya da ist\u0259s\u0259n, he\u00e7 saxlama…B\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 daha qiym\u0259tli saxlanclar\u0131n olacaq s\u0259nin…<\/p>\n

H\u0259yat\u0131n\u0131 ciddiy\u0259 al, amma h\u0259ddini a\u015fmadan. H\u0259ddind\u0259n art\u0131q ciddiy\u0259 alsan, h\u0259yat s\u0259ninl\u0259 \u0259yl\u0259n\u0259c\u0259k. \u015e\u0259xsi t\u0259cr\u00fcb\u0259md\u0259n bildim bunu… H\u0259yat ba\u015fdan-ba\u015fa yaland\u0131 ya da bir az yum\u015faq des\u0259k: zarafat. Sevgisi d\u0259, nifr\u0259ti d\u0259, ehtiras\u0131 da, ya\u015fant\u0131s\u0131 da, k\u0259d\u0259ri d\u0259, \u0259zab\u0131 da, sars\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 da, h\u0259zzi d\u0259, sevinci d\u0259 zarafat, \u2013yox, yalan olan\u0131 nec\u0259 ciddiy\u0259 almaq olar, q\u0131z\u0131m? Yegan\u0259 do\u011fru \u00f6l\u00fcmd\u00fc… Amma bu yax\u0131nlarda bir absurd, h\u0259tta g\u00fcl\u00fcnc bir h\u0259r\u0259k\u0259tim oldu: indilikd\u0259 \u0259n son zarafat\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fcml\u0259 el\u0259dim- h\u0259yatdak\u0131 bu yegan\u0259 do\u011frunu atamdan gizl\u0259tm\u0259y\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fd\u0131m. Bir \u0259limd\u0259 a\u011fciy\u0259rind\u0259n g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 zill\u0259mi\u015f x\u0259r\u00e7\u0259nginin b\u0259dheyb\u0259t r\u0259smi, bir \u0259limd\u0259 h\u0259kimin b\u0259dxass\u0259li diaqnozu il\u0259 atam\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7in\u0259 baxa- baxa yalan dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, riyakarcas\u0131na, amans\u0131zcas\u0131na…Nec\u0259 ist\u0259yirs\u0259n adland\u0131r… \u201cHe\u00e7 bir \u015feyin yoxdur, ata, bo\u015f \u015feydir, ke\u00e7ib ged\u0259c\u0259k, h\u0259r \u015fey yax\u015f\u0131 olacaq, sa\u011falacaqsan\u201d-dedim. Ucadan. \u0130\u00e7imd\u0259ki s\u0259ssizlik is\u0259 \u00f6l\u00fcm s\u0259ssizliyi idi v\u0259 d\u00f6z\u00fclm\u0259z, \u00e7\u0259kilm\u0259z a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131 il\u0259 i\u00e7imi darmada\u011f\u0131n ed\u0259n bu \u0259zabl\u0131 s\u00fckutun dilini atam\u0131n \u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn d\u0259 x\u0259b\u0259ri olmadan g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7ind\u0259n d\u00fcz b\u0259b\u0259kl\u0259rim\u0259 zill\u0259n\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcm anlay\u0131rd\u0131 sad\u0259c\u0259…<\/p>\n

\u0130ndi m\u0259n bilmir\u0259m bu yalan\u0131m\u0131 m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259t adland\u0131r\u0131m, yoxsa amans\u0131zl\u0131q? Bax, q\u0131z\u0131m, h\u0259yat bel\u0259 absurddur! Hans\u0131 halda m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tli, hans\u0131 halda amans\u0131z olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bel\u0259 ay\u0131rd el\u0259y\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k q\u0259d\u0259r c\u0259f\u0259ng…<\/p>\n

\u0130nsan el\u0259diyi h\u0259r \u015feyin \u0259v\u0259zini m\u00fctl\u0259q al\u0131r, bu, Karma qanunudur. Atama dediyim o m\u0259rh\u0259m\u0259tli yalan\u0131n da, onun g\u00f6z did\u0259l\u0259rind\u0259 ya\u015fayan \u00f6l\u00fcml\u0259 etdiyim o ki\u00e7icik v\u0259 m\u0259nas\u0131z zarafat\u0131n da \u0259v\u0259zini \u00f6d\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259qiq i\u015fl\u0259yir bu qanun. Bir g\u00fcn s\u0259n d\u0259 do\u011frumu, yalanm\u0131 dey\u0259c\u0259yin\u0259 q\u0259rar ver\u0259 bilm\u0259s\u0259n, he\u00e7 olmasa, sad\u0259c\u0259 sus, arif adamlar s\u00fckutun dilini daha tez anlay\u0131rlar. Anlamayanlara is\u0259 he\u00e7 fikir d\u0259 verm\u0259, onlar zat\u0259n dan\u0131\u015fmaqla da he\u00e7 n\u0259 ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015fm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kl\u0259r…<\/p>\n

S\u0259n do\u011fulanda m\u0259n h\u0259m sevinmi\u015fdim, h\u0259m k\u0259d\u0259rl\u0259nmi\u015fdim, q\u0131z\u0131m. \u0130ndi var oldu\u011funa v\u0259 sabah yox olaca\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259…<\/p>\n

Didaktik \u015e\u0259rq \u201cz\u0259hl\u0259t\u00f6k\u0259nliyi\u201d il\u0259 eksiztensialist Q\u0259rb \u201cabsurdunun\u201d \u201ch\u0259ft\u0259bec\u0259r\u201dini xat\u0131rladan bu yaz\u0131mla s\u0259n\u0259 m\u0259sl\u0259h\u0259t, t\u00f6vsiy\u0259 v\u0259 d\u0259rs verm\u0259k fikrind\u0259n tamamil\u0259 uza\u011fam. Birc\u0259 bunu deyir\u0259m: g\u00f6t\u00fcr sevgimi, s\u0259nd\u0259 qals\u0131n. Nec\u0259 ya\u015fama\u011f\u0131ndan as\u0131l\u0131 olmayaraq, bu sevgi s\u0259ni talisman kimi hifz el\u0259y\u0259c\u0259k, inan\u0131ram…<\/p>\n

Bir d\u0259f\u0259 \u0259yl\u0259nc\u0259 m\u0259rk\u0259zind\u0259 \u201cQorxulu ev\u201d attraksionuna girm\u0259y\u0259 qorxmu\u015fdun. G\u00fclm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm onda…G\u00fclm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm, \u00e7\u00fcnki bilirdim- d\u00fcnyada \u0259n qorxulu evl\u0259r i\u00e7ind\u0259 SEVG\u0130 ya\u015fanmayan evl\u0259rdir, qalan he\u00e7 n\u0259 qorxulu deyil…<\/p>\n

“Ulduz”jurnal\u0131<\/p>\n

Yaz\u0131ya 778 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…V\u0259 g\u00fcnl\u0259rin bir bo\u015f g\u00fcn\u00fc q\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n-q\u0131r\u00e7\u0131n q\u0131r\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f sif\u0259tini d\u0259f\u0259l\u0259rl\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcy\u00fcn, amma h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259y\u0259 a\u00e7\u0131lan p\u0259nc\u0259r\u0259y\u0259 yast\u0131 k\u00f6k\u0259 kimi yap\u0131\u015fd\u0131r\u0131b he\u00e7 m\u00f6vcud olmayan birini g\u00f6zl\u0259yirmi\u015f kimi uzaq yollara zill\u0259n\u0259nd\u0259 q\u0259fil h\u0259r \u015feyin m\u0259nas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayacaqsan…El\u0259 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n andaca rahatl\u0131q tapacaqsan, \u00e7\u00fcnki onda art\u0131q bunu s\u0259nd\u0259n \u0259vv\u0259l d\u0259 \u00e7oxlar\u0131n\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u0259rk ed\u0259si ya\u015fda v\u0259 ba\u015fda olacaqsan, q\u0131z\u0131m… […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9132"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9132"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9132\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9134,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9132\/revisions\/9134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}