{"id":9710,"date":"2015-10-16T23:01:36","date_gmt":"2015-10-16T18:01:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=9710"},"modified":"2015-10-16T23:01:36","modified_gmt":"2015-10-16T18:01:36","slug":"s%c9%99bin%c9%99-pasayeva-itirm%c9%99kd%c9%99n-qorxdugum-usaqligim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/?p=9710","title":{"rendered":"S\u0259bin\u0259 Pa\u015fayeva- \u0130tirm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxdu\u011fum u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>(esse)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/12106805_10207822680195119_2757752283456032071_n.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-9711 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/kultur.az\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/12106805_10207822680195119_2757752283456032071_n-293x300.jpg\" alt=\"12106805_10207822680195119_2757752283456032071_n\" width=\"293\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a>M\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 getdiyim zamanlarda s\u0259kid\u0259 ya\u015fl\u0131 bir n\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. G\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259 yor\u011funluq, bezginlik olan&#8230; G\u00f6zl\u0259rinin alt\u0131 torbalanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Ke\u00e7ib-ged\u0259n insanlara bax\u0131rd\u0131.\u00a0 B\u0259z\u0259n, balaca u\u015faq g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 azca g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yir, tez d\u0259 q\u0259mgin bir g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc al\u0131rd\u0131. H\u0259r g\u00fcn n\u0259n\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u0259d\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 sual verirdim: &#8220;G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, n\u0259l\u0259r ya\u015fay\u0131b, n\u0259l\u0259r ke\u00e7ib \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn, \u0259ng\u0259lli, da\u011fl\u0131-d\u0259r\u0259li yollar\u0131ndan?!&#8221; Simas\u0131nda bir nur vard\u0131. G\u00f6rm\u0259diyim g\u00fcnl\u0259r narahat olurdum: &#8211; &#8220;G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, ba\u015f\u0131na n\u0259 g\u0259ldi, niy\u0259 yoxdur?!&#8221;- dey\u0259. Birm\u0259nal\u0131 olaraq \u00f6yr\u0259\u015fmi\u015fdim n\u0259n\u0259y\u0259. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 a\u011f, azca dolu, \u00fcz- g\u00f6z\u00fc q\u0131r\u0131\u015f, bununla yana\u015f\u0131, g\u00f6zl\u0259ri nurlu&#8230;\u0259ll\u0259ri q\u0131r\u0131\u015f&#8230;duyqusal, g\u00f6zl\u0259ri yor\u011fun \u00a0n\u0259n\u0259&#8230; O n\u0259n\u0259ni g\u00f6rd\u00fckd\u0259n sonra, b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim. Zaman ke\u00e7ec\u0259k, b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259c\u0259kdim, o n\u0259n\u0259 is\u0259 olmayacaqd\u0131- g\u00f6r\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kdim onu, aparacaqd\u0131 qara torpaq&#8230; Ay\u0131racaqd\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259n&#8230; Sevdikl\u0259rimi ay\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 kimi&#8230; A\u011flayacaqd\u0131m&#8230; Bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259kdi, anam n\u0259 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131\u2026 Susacaqd\u0131m&#8230; Bir yer\u0259 baxaraq, minl\u0259rc\u0259 yeri g\u0259z\u0259c\u0259kdi x\u0259yal\u0131m&#8230; &#8220;G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, o n\u0259n\u0259 kimdir, niy\u0259 ba\u011fland\u0131m ona, niy\u0259 onu g\u00f6rm\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 narahat oluram? Niy\u0259 q\u0259mgindi, \u00fcz\u00fc solqundu?&#8230;&#8221; T\u0259s\u0259llim olacaqd\u0131 h\u0259r d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fl\u0259rim: &#8211; &#8221; Bu g\u00fcn d\u0259 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, sa\u011fd\u0131r!&#8221;- dey\u0259. He\u00e7 bilmirdim niy\u0259 qorxurdum onu itirm\u0259kd\u0259n. Zaman ke\u00e7di, anlad\u0131m ki, \u0259slind\u0259 itirm\u0259kd\u0259n qorxdu\u011fum, u\u015faql\u0131\u011f\u0131m imi\u015f&#8230;<\/p>\n<p class=\"bawpvc-ajax-counter\" data-id=\"9710\">Yaz\u0131ya 651 d\u0259f\u0259 bax\u0131l\u0131b<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(esse) M\u0259kt\u0259b\u0259 getdiyim zamanlarda s\u0259kid\u0259 ya\u015fl\u0131 bir n\u0259n\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm. G\u00f6zl\u0259rind\u0259 yor\u011funluq, bezginlik olan&#8230; G\u00f6zl\u0259rinin alt\u0131 torbalanm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Ke\u00e7ib-ged\u0259n insanlara bax\u0131rd\u0131.\u00a0 B\u0259z\u0259n, balaca u\u015faq g\u00f6r\u0259nd\u0259 azca g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yir, tez d\u0259 q\u0259mgin bir g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc al\u0131rd\u0131. H\u0259r g\u00fcn n\u0259n\u0259ni g\u00f6r\u0259d\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 sual verirdim: &#8220;G\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n, n\u0259l\u0259r ya\u015fay\u0131b, n\u0259l\u0259r ke\u00e7ib \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn, \u0259ng\u0259lli, da\u011fl\u0131-d\u0259r\u0259li yollar\u0131ndan?!&#8221; Simas\u0131nda bir nur vard\u0131. G\u00f6rm\u0259diyim g\u00fcnl\u0259r narahat olurdum: [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9710"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9710"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9710\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9712,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9710\/revisions\/9712"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9710"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9710"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kultur.az\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9710"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}